


Masking It with a Smile

by sylfukr69



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Psychological Trauma, anyway if youre still reading these tags it gets better trust me, im literally writing this to procrastinate writing another story, im so gay jesus christ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:55:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28996326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylfukr69/pseuds/sylfukr69
Summary: Reiner works at a construction job in the same town he grew up in, and injures himself. At the doctor's he reacquaints with his old friend, Bertholdt. A rekindling friendship means the world to both of them, one more than the other. Clandestine crushes and old memories resurface to wreak havoc on their lives. How will they cope?[Completed]
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover, Zeke Yeager/Bertholt Hoover
Comments: 71
Kudos: 88





	1. Sparks

**Author's Note:**

> Ayyyy wassup. If you're reading this, amazing! thank you so much <3 I have a lot lot lot planned for this story so please stay tuned for more chapters. I'll try to get them out every few days but we'll see what my depression has up its sleeve. anyway don't forget to kudos and tell your friends who like AOT! thank you again!!

“FUCK” 

Reiner had accidently dropped a few bricks onto his foot, the pain so excruciating that it ran from his foot to his mouth, alerting the rest of his construction crewmates. Connie and Jean made their way over from placing mortar to check on him.

“Awh, looks like Beefcake here dropped a few bricky-wicky’s on his footsies Connie!”

“Shut the hell up Jean and help me get him to that bench over by the bathrooms.”

Limping with his two friends underneath his arms, Reiner’s massive frame was able to make to the bench. The pain for him was a bit more tolerable, but still hurt like a bitch. 

“Connie, could you get Kenny over here? I don’t think I’ll be able to walk on this for a while.” Reiner asked while clutching his foot and lightly gritting his teeth. Without a word, Connie jogged over to the other side of the site to get their foreman while Jean made his way back to his assignment. Moments later, Kenny was jogging over to Reiner.

“The hell happened Braun? Connie said you dropped some bricks on yer foot?”

“Yea, we were missing a few more than we thought we needed, so I ran to grab them and hurried a little too quickly back to my post.”

“Ay alright. Well, I can’t exactly force you to work if you physically can’t. Ya think you can make it back to yer truck by yourself? I’d suggest gettin’ that checked out and get it healed properly, I can’t lose my best worker for too long.”

“Pretty sure I could walk on it a little bit, but are you sure y’all are gonna be okay while I’m gone?”

“Don’t you worry, just got a new recruit today actually, he’s just surveying everything though to check it out. The name’s Jeager, he’s the kid of an old friend so I thought I’d give ‘em some busywork to do to earn some extra cash. And with that I can fill your place.”

“Damn alright sir, well I’ll be off then. I’ll let you know how long it’ll take for my foot to heal from the doctor’s.”

“Safe travels Braun.”

Reiner limped back to his car, hopped in, and drove a little too fast to arrive back to his apartment to ice his foot. Doing his quasi-walk up the stairs to the front door, he recognized a face that he hadn’t seen in years. 

“Annie Leonhart? The hell are you doing here?”

“Just moved in the other day. Got a job teaching self-defense classes in the city. This place was cheap. Really ‘bout it.”

Her bluntness never surprised Reiner, in fact he admired that about her. He was loud and brash, but rarely did he really have conviction behind his words. Annie on the other hand, wore her heart on her sleeve which made for some fun memories. Cold and hardcore, Annie was fucking hot.

“Well since we both live here, you should come over sometime.” he flirted with a glint of lust in his eyes. 

“Reiner, I swear to The Founder Ymir you better be joking. And if you say you aren’t, your balls are gonna learn what I teach in my classes right now.” Reiner quickly nodded his head in understanding, and hurriedly hobbled his way up the steps while Annie stared him down.

Once inside his building, Reiner opened his door on the first floor and made it to the sofa as quickly as possible. He grabbed his laptop off the coffee table and began to look for doctor’s offices in town. He found a place just a few blocks away: Sawney and Bean’s Physicians. It seemed there was a Dr. Hange Zoe who took walk-ins, and conveniently they were open. Reiner figured he’d ice his foot for a while before trying to walk again, knowing the physicians’ office was going to be available for the rest of the day.

After having iced his foot, had a cup of coffee, and caught up on some new shows, Reiner got in his car and headed to the doctor’s. Pulling up in the parking lot and begrudgingly walking inside, he started talking to the receptionist. 

“Welcome to Sawney and Bean’s Physicians, how can I help you?” said a small girl enthusiastically, her nametag read Historia.

“Uh, yea, I don’t have an appointment, but could I see Dr. Zoe to have a look at my foot? I hurt it earlier today at my job.”

“Of course! Let me page them real quick,” she dialed on a phone and quickly exchanged some words with a receptionist in another part of the office, as a look of small surprise lit up her face. Talking slightly more, she hung up the phone, “So, Dr. Zoe actually isn’t in today, but their assistant is, so if you’d still like him to check you out, Armin here can take you to the room.”

“Check me ou- Oh y-yea sure of course.” Armin smiled at Reiner, and small talked with him on the way to the room. 

Opening the door to the office, Reiner saw a second familiar face of today: Bertholdt. 

“Reiner… is that you?” Bertholdt was ghastly shocked. 

“Damn Bertie, you really did graduate from med school!” Reiner laughed heartily, limping into the office and sitting on the patient bed.

Reiner and Bertholdt talked for a few minutes, catching up on the few years that they missed out on. They laughed and joked like they used to when they played video games and sports with each other after school.

“So I heard from Historia that you came in to have your… foot checked out? What happened?”

“Oh yea, I just dropped a few bricks on it earlier today at my construction site, hurts like a mother fucker. Don’t know if it’s broken or anything.”

“Alright well let’s see it.” Reiner removed the shoe and sock of his left foot, and Bert inspected it closely. After a short time of feeling where Reiner felt the most pain, and taking a few X-rays, Bert determined that Reiner’s foot had been fractured. 

Bertholdt helped Reiner arrange all of the appointments he will need to recheck his healing progress, and apply a cast. As such, Reiner came back into Sawney and Bean’s weekly, and enjoyed each visit more than the last. Conversations with Historia turned into family gossip, walks with Armin to Bertholdt’s office turned into philosophical debates, and his appointments with Bertholdt turned into a rekindled friendship. Reiner had also been on leave from work, but a stubborn Kenny wouldn’t let him back until his foot was fully healed, as well as assuring him that the new Jeager kid was picking up just fine where Reiner left off.

On his last scheduled appointment, Reiner surprised Bertholdt.

“So Bertie, got any plans tonight?” Bertholdt fixated on Reiner’s cast as to distract from the question.

“I- uhhh, not that I know of. Why though, what’s up?”

“Hahaha, alright get this. You. Me. Panera. Tonight. As a gift from your old buddy for helping me out so much with this mess.” Reiner was absolutely beside himself with pride. However, Bertholdt’s face was alit with embarrassment. 

“N-no, I- I couldn’t ask that of you, Reiner, I mean it’s just my job.” He hid his face from view.

“Bertieee come on, man. Forget about the whole ‘helping me out’ thing then. It’ll just be two buddies having dinner, like we used to.” That line reverberated in Bertholdt’s mind. He pondered on all the times that they did indeed used to go to dinner together. It was nice, it was blissful…

“Sure then,” Bertholdt stood up, having finished their weekly checkup, “when were you thinking?” Reiner smirked.

“ ‘Bout seven-ish, does that work for you?” Bertholdt nodded with a bit more enthusiasm than before, and a small smile stretched his cheeks. Next, his heart beat quicker, for the feelings that came to him were nostalgic, and they hurt. So much.

“Great! Gimme your number so you can text me your address and I’ll pick you up around seven.”


	2. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner and Bertie go to dinner .3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guyssss i spent all morning listening to howls moving castle ost on repeat while writing this. if this keeps up a might even have a new chapter a day, lets hope i dont get burned out ;; (p.s. i won't though because i love yall who read this sm mwah mwah and im doing it for yall <3) and leave a comment if you liked it! even just a 'lol' is nice <333 share with your friends too!

“ _Yo bertie im omw, better be ready lol”_

_“Of course I am, I’ll be waiting out front”_

The air was crisper than it was last night, Bertholdt could make out faint traces of his breath in it. Leering over his scarf to breathe in through his mouth, he exhaled even harder to try and make more clouds appear. He smiled gently at his handiwork, drifting happily towards the luminescent stars. While gazing upwards a flash of headlights entered his parking lot, coming from Reiner’s truck. Bertholdt briskly moved from his spot to the truck, Reiner in the car window waving excitedly. 

“Bertieeee! Man I’m so pumped for this, I’ve been craving broccoli cheddar soup for ages but I didn’t wanna go alone.” Reiner was so ecstatic for the food that Bertholdt’s blushing remained silent in the dark.

“Yeah haha, I’ll have to look at the menu again, I haven’t been there in so long. Not since high school anyway.” As he said this, Reiner played some music from his phone and they listened to his mediocre playlist on the short drive to the restaurant. 

Stretching once he exited the driver’s side door, he only limped lightly next to Bertholdt who had his hand ready to stabilize him if needed. 

Reiner opened the door for Bertholdt, “Ladies first~,” with an atrocious wink that made him giggle. Even so, he obliged and entered. The menu interface was just past the doors, and Reiner made his order quickly. Bertholdt took some time, but selected a BLT sandwich.

“Alright, move over Daddy Long Legs, I’m payin’.”

“Reiner please, you don’t have to, at least let me pay for my portion of the bill.”

“Nope nope nope, you have med school loans you need to pay off, this is the literal least I could do.” And as promised, Reiner payed for the meal. Bertholdt offering, he lead Reiner to a two-person booth along the wall. They only waited a little while, and the food arrived. 

“Hi there guys! The name’s Sasha, and I got here one Bee-El-Teeeee, and a Cheddar Broccoli Souuuuup,” setting them down on their respective sides she continued, “do you guys need anything else for right now?” 

“Nah I think we’re good cutie. But maybe later, I could have you~” Reiner’s flat-out lust for every girl he encountered left Bertholdt unimpressed and unsurprised.

“Sorry mister, I’m not on the menu. But may I suggest our largest cup of water since you’re so thirsty?” Blood hurried to Reiner’s cheeks to show his embarrassment. He seemed to short-circuit while Sasha went along to address other customers. 

“Damn Reiner, I haven’t seen you burned that hard since Annie during sophomore year.”

“Y-yea well, a tough guy like me doesn’t need a bitch like her anyway.” Taken aback by his word choice, Bertholdt tried to ignore the comment for now. 

They ate, and joked, and laughed, Reiner much louder than Bertholdt. However, while nibbling on his sandwich, Bertholdt felt stares from around the room upon their table, and he retreated into his mind where he was safe. The reality of the situation was null and void if he didn’t pay attention to it. 

Holding his sandwich, and only adding “Mhm” and “Totally” to the conversation, he thought of all the other dinners they used to have together. Sometimes it was just the two of them, but most of the time Bertholdt had simply tagged along with Reiner’s buddies from football and lacrosse. His teammates tolerated him because Reiner insisted on having Bertholdt there, but they never spoke to him unless Reiner prompted it. Thus Bertholdt was relegated to being the quiet, tall friend that hung like a ghost to Reiner, cursed forever to drift alongside him with no agency of his own. Occasionally, ghastly whispers could be made out if one listened intently enough, but seldom was it that Bertholdt made his opinions known. That was his life from sophomore year when they both joined the varsity football team together. Contrarily, freshman year was when the two had the most alone time. Dedicated, close friends, they did absolutely everything together. 

Bertholdt let out an emotional sigh, knowing that he’d had barely a few friends since graduating high school, none of which to the level of him and Reiner. At that moment, Sasha made her way back to their table.

“Hey mister, all done with your plate?” An external voice made Bertholdt refocus on the situation. All of Reiner’s food was eaten, yet Bertholdt still had more than half his sandwich left. 

“Oh uh, yea, you can take it.” Reiner spoke with more aloofness in his voice, knowing his place this time. As Sasha left once again, Reiner glanced to Bertholdt’s barely half-eaten meal. Then he glanced at Bertholdt’s melancholy complexion. The table was one-sided, physically on Bertholdt’s side, and emotionally on Reiner’s. And he didn’t even notice once until now. 

Neurons flashed and thoughts burst through Reiner’s mind. He was emotionally ignorant, but not stupid. Arms on the table, he leaned in slightly.

“Hey, bud. Are you doin’ okay?” Sincerity was laden across his words. Bertholdt’s mouth paralyzed. Not a single thought more circulated in his head, and the heat rising within his chest was the only feeling that was tangible. 

“Yeah, of course, I’m f-fine…” he tried to bring his sandwich to his mouth to avoid talking any more than he had to. Reiner however, leaned back towards his side of the booth, inquiring to himself why Bertholdt was both dissociated and anxious at the same time. Bertholdt met eyes with him, but just as quickly averted them.

While chewing, he thought again of all the time that they had spent together, and how distanced their relationship felt now. Reiner had work friends, probably slept with multiple girls over the years, and a genuine life to live. All Bertholdt had to his name were a few failed crushes, and acquaintances from his class days. His workplace offered some options, but were limited to professional cordiality. Old friends may still be friends, but the gap of formative years between them showed. The wish to be more than friends, more than best friends, had been strong in Bertholdt since highschool. He tagged along with Reiner with a tiny handful of hope in his pocket while wishing upon selfish stars. That maybe if they aligned correctly, Reiner would hear his internal monologue and hold his hand. Reiner would stop flirting with every girl he met. Reiner would tell him that Bertholdt was the only thing he ever wanted. That he cherished and cared about Bertholdt. And although he knew Reiner did care about him, it was just not in the way he wanted. Bertholdt had to mask it with a smile, like he always did. He knew his place in life, and it was not with Reiner. 

Almost finishing his sandwich, Bertholdt looked up again, to see gentleness. To see understanding. Bliss and calm. The same eyes that told Bertholdt years ago:

_“No matter where you go, you’ll always find a home here. You’re always welcome.”_

When he had to tell Reiner he was moving out of state for medical school, he wasn’t mad. He wanted Bertholdt to find happiness and fulfillment in his life. Simultaneously he remembered the last hug that Reiner gave him, how full of love it was. Bertholdt had cried that night, and many nights after that. So as he will tonight as well, most likely. 

“B-but, um,” Bertholdt was making a stand at last, “I just think, maybe you were a bit loud earlier…” Reiner’s eyes widened slightly, but he was not surprised. He had surmised that that’s what was making Bertholdt anxious since Reiner had finished his meal. However, he was still perturbed that he let himself too loose again, and this same situation reappeared in his memories. Of when he and his buddies, along with Bertholdt, would come to this same Panera and do the same that Reiner had just done. Never once did Reiner realize that Bertholdt had been made uncomfortable, he was always smiling. 

“ _But what if he…”_ Reiner’s thought had trailed off when Sasha appeared at the table to whisk away Bertholdt’s empty plate. As Reiner’s thoughts mirrored Bertholdt’s, he too thought of all the time they had spent together throughout highschool. All the time that Bertholdt graciously hung out with his friends, and how happy Bertholdt had seemed to be. But as Reiner continuously replayed those events in his head, they became more distorted each time. Every time he saw Bertholdt, he saw loneliness. The smile that was always painted across his face, washed away into a quivering frown, with tears rolling down beside it. Bertholdt was always with him, whether Reiner subconsciously realized it or not. He never once asked Bertholdt to hang out, he always told him. It was never, “ _Bertie, you wanna come hang with us?”_ , it was “ _Bertie, we’re all goin’ to Panera, come on!”_ Bertholdt’s feelings were never recognized or acknowledged. That guilt and shame doused Reiner’s brain and set aflame his self-hatred. 

“I’m sorry.” Reiner’s words pranced in the air as not to upset the fragile atmosphere. They barely danced into Bertholdt’s ears, his softness speaking tenfold of what he just admitted. 

“No, no, it’s okay, really. I was just overreacting is all. It’s not a problem I swear.”

“Why don’t we head to my truck? I can uh, drive you home if you’d like.” Both awkwardly stood from their seats and went for the door. Reiner stayed behind momentarily to dig up a twenty dollar tip for Sasha as an apology. 

The cold air of the night brought them quickly to the car. Easing into silence as the car doors shut, Reiner tapped his fingers on his leg, while Bertholdt simply held his hands together in his lap. 

“We didn’t need to rush out of there if you didn’t want to.” Reiner ignored the statement. 

“You’re my closest friend Bertie, you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable around me. It’s just… it’s just not right.”

“No, Reiner it’s o-” Reiner placed his hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder. 

“No. It’s not okay. I wanna be better for you Bert. I wanna be a better person for you.”

“Heh, thank you, Reiner…” Reiner started the truck, and drove out of the parking lot towards Bertholdt’s apartment. All that was heard were the rumbling of the engine, and quiet music. To him though, Bertholdt’s thoughts were blaring. The thought of Reiner trying to change, just for him, made him warm and happy. He hadn’t seen this side of Reiner since freshman year, when they were ignorant of depression and loneliness. When Reiner’s intentions were genuine. 

Rolling up to a stop, Reiner parked the car. The gentle hum of the vehicle drowned out by the night. They looked at each other, and embraced. A deep, tight embrace that was charged with emotion. After returning to their original positions, Bertholdt’s hands were sweaty and shaking, and he held Reiner’s gaze. 

“I don’t know if you’d want to, but, would you wanna get dinner sometimes again soon? Or maybe just take a walk along the river. It’d be nice to keep hanging out, you know?” Reiner’s hand fiddled with a pen that was in a cupholder next to him. 

“I, uh, would really, like that,” Bertholdt squeaked out. 

“Really? I would too,” Reiner smiled gently yet nervously. 

“Well, bye then Reiner. See you soon.” 

Opening the car door with one hand, and his other on the console, Bertholdt was grabbed by the latter and pulled back in. A deep kiss was delivered to him, with Reiner’s free hand pushing the back of his head further in. After a few seconds, Reiner relented and leaned back, his hands off of Bertholdt as well. The car door was completely ajar to the emptiness of the night outside, and it was devoid of sound and life except for them. Without light it was not noticeable, but both’s faces were a deep crimson. 

Bertholdt slipped his hand from Reiner, said nothing, and left the car to walk to his apartment. Reiner clutched his mouth in confusion, anger, and worry. Only a single thought came to him. 

" _What have I done?"_


	3. A Moonlit Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hard mode of reading this chapter: listen to Isabella's Lullaby from The Promised Neverland while reading this. anywayyyy I was bored and wrote some more. as usual I love you guys so so so much mwah

The door opened to his apartment, but Bertholdt barely had the energy to take a step inside. The couch was just across the room, but the floor appeared more inviting. Falling to the ground after closing the door, wild screams erupted from his mouth. Mucus and tears caked his disheveled face. Back against his door he plunged his head into his arms to muffle the sounds of his hysteria. He wanted to stop existing, for this  **feeling** to stop existing. He’d almost accomplished it before Reiner threw him back into the woes of questioning. 

“ _ Why did it have to be tonight?” _

_ “I’m so fucking confused.” _

_ “Why would Reiner do something like that?” _

_ “Was he hiding that from me all along?” _

_ “Was he scared? Was I too scared? Did I scare him?” _

Bertholdt violently threw his head back, “Please... I don’t want to be like this anymore... Whatever you want I’ll give it to you, just fix me!”

His bargaining became anger, “What did I do to deserve this? What could I have possibly done?” 

He did not move from that spot for hours. His eyes were not being used to see, but only open, because closing them brought images of Reiner. It brought images of what could have been, and that made Bertholdt shudder and sob more so. Boredom did not exist to his mind in this state and he lied still, as moving would only exhaust any motivation he had at all. He counted at least ninety-six individual speckles of paint on the ceiling, each just as white and beige as the last. The carpet beneath him was simultaneously irritating his skin, and soft to the touch. Mindlessly running his hands through the strands of artificial fibers gave him something to perform, other than counting. 

His face was dry and salty, his eyes swollen and red. His body relaxed and became heavier against the floor as he gently closed his eyes. Nothing felt real in his apartment, even Bertholdt himself questioned his existence. The waxing crescent in the sky hung by herself, and along with the stars that had known Bertholdt for so long, bathed him in dim light as to lull him to sleep. Worn out physically and emotionally, Bertholdt’s body fell to sleep. 

_ ********************* _

_ You’re so funny Bertie~ _

_ Oh? And why’s that? _

_ I don’t know, do you need a reason? You just make me laugh! _

_ Well I feel like there should be a reason! Everything has a reason. _

_ Is there a reason we’re best friends then? _

_ Well… uh…  _

_ See! I told you it doesn’t need a reason! _

_ I guess, it doesn’t then… but hey, Reiner? _

_ Yeah Bertie? _

_ If we’re best friends now, can we be best friends forever? _

_ Like BFF’s?! _

_ Sure! _

_ Totally Bertie! Me, and you? We’re gonna rule the world some day. Just the two of us. _

_ Just the two of us… I’d like that a lot Reiner. _

_ Me too Bertie. _

_ “Boys! Come in for dinner!” _

_ Coming! Hey Bertie, last one in has to use player two for Mario Galaxy! _

_ Hey! Wait!! No fair! _

_ ********************* _

Reiner’s hands were shaking on the wheel, his body unable to process what he did. His head pounded like a hammer onto a nail. His breaths became shorter and more labored. There wasn’t a soul on the road other than him as he drove home. And once he finally arrived in his parking lot, he removed the keys from the ignition, and stared into the night. The autumn air slithered its way into the vehicle, chilling his hands and face. He couldn’t be gay, could he? No, of course he wasn’t, he was attracted to girls. He never thought he was attracted to Bertholdt in any particular way. But the urge to keep Bertholdt there with him was so strong, Reiner didn’t want him to leave yet. Not after their friendship was finally back after all those years apart. As he reflected upon the peaceful visage of the crescent moon, he thought of Bertholdt. He wanted Bertholdt in his life now, more than ever. He wanted Bertholdt to be his. But was it lust? Love? Friendship? Reiner didn’t know. All he could fathom was that he wanted Bertholdt to stay. And that was reason enough for him.

Sauntering up the sidewalk, and into the building, Reiner silenced his head. He opened his door with a light sigh, and entered his dimly lit apartment. Upon seeing a melted ice pack from earlier in the day, he walked over to the coffee table and was blanketed in light from the indigo sky. Through a window, he remarked again on the crescent moon that was suspended amongst the stars. Reiner turned his head sideways, inquiring of something.

_ “Heh, it kinda does look like a smile.”  _ And that made him think of Bertholdt’s own smile. After staring for a little while, Reiner thought Bertholdt and the moon were alike in many ways: always hiding a part of themselves, and needing someone else to help them shine brightly. Reiner contemplated this into the night, as he too, drifted off to sleep.

_ ********************* _

_ Hehe~ Bertie likes Annieeee! _

_ I- I do not! _

_ Mhm, sureee. What do you say to that red on your face then? _

_ Shut up! I don’t like Annie! I’d rather be around you instead. _

_ Me? But Annie is so cool! She can do like, kicks and stuff! _

_ You make me happy Reiner, Annie doesn’t talk or like to play games either. _

_ Hm, I guess so. I still think she’s pretty cool though.  _

_ Well I think you’re pretty cool yourself. _

_ You really think so Bertie?? You’re cool too then, by being friends with me! _

_ How does that even work Reiner? _

_ Does it need a way to work? I said it does, so it does. _

_ Hmmm, I guess I’ll take your word for it. _

_ Hey c’mon, recess is ending, let’s go eat lunch! _

_ Right behind you! _

_ ********************* _


	4. Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo again yall <3 i love all of you SMMMMMM and im having an absolute blast writing this. are you guys doing well? eating enough? drinking water? go hydrate yourself before you read this chapter <3 make sure to kudos and comment, it makes me really happy when i know you guys enjoy the story qwq enjoy!

_ ***************************** _

_ Let’s go over there Bertie! _

_ Nooo! Reiner, it’s too bright I can’t see anything! _

_ It’s alright, hold my hand, and let’s go! _

_ N-no, wait! My hand's slipping! Reiner!! Don’t go yet, please! _

_ C’mon Bertie! Run faster! _

_ I can’t run fast enough! Reiner please slow down! REINER! _

_ ***************************** _

His eyes thrust open with a deep breath, lifting him off the floor. The sun had been in his eyes when he awoke, blinding him temporarily. Glancing around his entryway, his boots were still fastened to his feet, and coat adorning his upper half. His eyes were heavy and it strained tremendously to open them. After regaining a bit more mental agency, Bertholdt removed his shoes and coat, and dragged his feet to his bedroom. The sheets were soft and comforting, and he lied his head on the pillow to cushion his thoughts. With the sunlight illuminating half the room, he could make out the minute dust particles floating adrift in the air. He embodied them so, always riding the currents made by others, no matter how hard he or they tried. Adults, peers, and colleagues all told him that he may carve his own destiny. But how could he, when all he had to carve were his bruised and bloodied fingers from attempts past?

Suddenly, the phone in his pocket interrupted him.

“ _ Hey Bertholdt! You didn’t come into work today, and you weren’t answering your phone all morning, so Dr. Zoe asked me to text you! -Historia” _

Adrenaline sprinted through his veins and he quickly looked above the text to reveal that it was nearing 10:30 in the morning, his shift had started at 7. Anxiety bled into his hands to make them shake, yet his face remained undisturbed, nothing about this situation made him nervous. He dialed the number of his superior.

“H-hello, Dr. Zoe?” Although he was comfortable with them, Bertholdt was always a tad unnerved by the all-consuming energy they emitted.

“BERTHOLDT! By the Founder Ymir, are you alright? You have lit-er-al-ly never showed up to work late, ACTUALLY YOU’VE NEVER MISSED A DAY YET! What happened?”

“I- uhh, started developing a cough last night, a-and I started sneezing a lot too, so I took some mucus medicine, but it must’ve been the drowsy kind on accident and I slept in. I’m so sorry Dr. Zoe I can come in right aw-”

“NOPE NOPE NOPE, you stay right there Bertholdt, sleep some more, get better alright? You conveniently got sick the day I came back from vacation!”

“Oh, uhhh, right. How was visiting your family in Paradis City?” He was very confused, but if the doctor would let him off, he’ll take it.

“Ab-so-lute-ly fantastic Bertholdt, thank you for asking! You know I rea- … WHAAAAT? I HAVE A PATIENT? WELL SEND THEM IN! Alright Bert I gotta go bu-” The call abruptly ended, but Bertholdt took no mind and rolled to his side in an attempt to sleep off most of the day. 

_ ***************************** _

_ Hiii Bertie hehe, I asked my mom if I could use the phone! _

_ How brave of you haha, *coughs* what’s wrong? _

_ Why weren’t you at school today Bertie? I missed you so much! _

_ My mom says I have a cold, so I stayed home and lied in bed. _

_ Ugh, stupid cold. Can I come over and beat it up for you? _

_ Reiner that’s not how- _

_ I don’t care! I’m coming over anyway. _

_ Reiner you can’t you’ll get sick!  _

_ Okay? So we can be sick together and stay home from school and play video games! _

_ Uhhh, I guess so then. I don’t know how you’ll convince your m- _

_ On my way Bertie! Hahaha. _

_ ***************************** _

Bertholdt awoke peacefully, the light in his room dimmer than before. Deep, amber rays crept their way to his face. He leaned to his bedside table, and checked his phone, to which it read 5:06 pm. Just below that, another text from Historia. 

“ _ Hi Bertholdt! I’m not really sure if this is weird or not, but would you want to go Garrison Bar with Armin and I tonight, around 8ish? Don’t worry Dr. Zoe won’t be there. We did it once back when you first got the job, remember? We thought it would be nice for all three of us to catch up. Let me know if you’re available!” _

Bertholdt stared at his phone screen, unmoving and not thinking. He put his phone back on the table, face down. Using his arms, he pushed himself up off the bed, and wandered towards the kitchen. 

_ Coffee. I need coffee. _

Was the only thought his brain mustered. Lazily preparing a cup, he decided to make toast as well. Letting the appliances do the work for him, he took the butter and cream from the fridge and waited. He looked out the window at the sun on the horizon. Only half of it was visible, but one would know that it’s there, just below the skyline. One wouldn’t question as to where the sun was, or how it looked. It was always bright and monotonous. It shone dazzlingly every day past, and every day ahead of him for as long as he would live. It would always be with him, whether he liked it or not. 

The toast popped. The coffeemaker beeped. His impromptu breakfast was finished.

Bertholdt essentially inhaled his toast with butter, his stomach growling and hissing for being unfed for so long. The coffee centered his mind, and brought anxiety along with it. He started to think of Reiner again, and clenched his fist. Although there were no tears to be shed, his entire body felt like a tumultuous ocean of raging emotions. Bertholdt was angry. He was angry that Reiner hadn’t even texted him since last night, as time was approaching the one day anniversary. 

“ _ Am I just an experiment for him?” _

_ “What did he even gain from that kiss?” _

_ “Was there even a reason at all?” _

Bertholdt had only drank alcohol a few times since becoming legally able, but he didn’t mind it. Maybe, just maybe, going to the bar with his colleagues would help him find peace. Or maybe he wanted to drink his problems away. His motivation unknown to even him, he opened his phone.

“ _ Hey Historia, if it’s still okay I’d love to meet you both there tonight.”  _ Her reply was almost instant,

“ _ Of course it’s still okay! I’ll see you there.” _

After reading it, Bertholdt immediately went to his closet to decide on an acceptable outfit. While browsing through various sweaters in shades of brown and beige, his eye brows raised slightly. Towards the end of the rack, there was a maroon turtleneck sweater that was given to him by his grandmother when he moved back into town. At the time, he graciously accepted the gift, but delegated it to the back of his closet. But now, Bertholdt craved the energy that radiated from its deep red color. Performing the same motions with the tops as he did the bottoms, he rustled through several jeans and khakis. Becoming restless, he reached into a drawer without looking and found an older pair of black chinos. He surprised himself again with this find, as he genuinely thought this pair of pants was lost during his move. 

Once Bertholdt finished his outfit for the night, he stepped into the bathroom to rid himself of the oil and dust that had collected on his face and body. As he showered, steam billowed over the curtain and out the window, and Bertholdt continued to think of Reiner. The way that he was grabbed during the kiss, it was almost painful. But to feel Reiner’s hand around his, something that he had craved for so long… and to feel Reiner’s hand leave his, as Bertholdt walked away from it. The anger rekindled within Bertholdt, and he ran his hands through his hair to ground himself. Being a slab of driftwood, endlessly thrown across the sea. He didn’t want to be that anymore, and Reiner had given him a reason. His fingers were bloodied and bruised from his attempts to carve his destiny, but he’d rather they become useless stubs before he let anyone else control him any longer. His heart still ached, his mind still scrambled. But to fool himself, and those around him, he would don a smile. 


	5. A Chilly Atmosphere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bar shenanigans hehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! i had yet again another blast writing this chapter, you guys' support is really nice, and i wanted to thank you again qwq i hope you really enjoy the chapter! make sure to kudos or comment if you liked it, i love knowing that you guys want more <3

Dressing in his chosen clothing, along with a pair of white loafers and a matching white belt to his waist, he put on a simple black coat for the cold. He left his apartment and took his first step into the night, stricken with wonder and amazement. The first snow of the season fell gracefully from the heavens, and it coated Bertholdt’s body in chilly fluff. Looking behind him and surveying the area for anyone, he stuck out his tongue as much as he could and caught a few snowflakes. A childish, giddy laugh came from his throat as he realized what he had done. Contented with himself, he hurried to his car to get to the bar on time. 

…

“Yeah, and that’s when I said, ‘That’s not a camel! That’s my WIFE!’ ” Historia’s guttural laugh had her body thrown back in delight at Armin’s joke. 

She wiped the beginnings of tears away from her eyes and leaned back in to her original position, “ By The Founder, Armin you are hilarious when you wanna be.” Armin waved his hands dismissively and took a sip of his drink. 

“What’s so funny you two?” Bertholdt made his entrance into the conversation, “Bertholdt! Ah, I’m so happy you could make it!” Historia flew off of her seat to embrace him. 

“She’s uh, had a drink or two already if you couldn’t tell,” Armin apologized for her while taking another sip of his drink, “I-it’s fine haha, I happen to like hugs,” as Bertholdt lightly embraced her.

“Bertieee, you look so good! So cute, and stylish, and handsome, and cute… Shit didn’t I already say cute?...” Historia was admiring Bertholdt’s attire, rapidly looking him up and down. 

“You did, but it’s alright,” Bertholdt took a seat next to Armin to avoid being held captive by Historia’s hugs. The bar was quite spacious, and seemed to be a clubbing spot as well. Off of the long bar there was a large area where people were intertwined with each other, feeling the rhythms of the beat, and the lights above. Bertholdt saw a few young men in each other’s arms, and young women twirling each other with passion. He became envious. He placed his hands on the bar, rubbing one of his thumbs onto the other.

“Can I get you anything Mr. 18th Century Vampire?” Bertholdt looked up and met eyes with a slender, tall woman with brown hair, “That’s Ymir, Historia’s girlfriend,” Armin whispered in his ear, “The besssst girlfriendddd everrrrr, I love you so much babyyyy, you make amazingggg drinks,” Historia barely slurred out while spilling drops of her drink. 

“You’re named after the Founder? That’s… cool,” he so desperately wanted to make conversation, but his anxiousness did not not play to his strengths, “Yeah yeah, I get that a lot. But what do you wanna drink?” She placed her elbow on the bar and got onto eye level with Bertholdt. 

“Could I just get some gin and tonic, and be generous with the gin.” Bertholdt needed some confidence to feel more at ease with his surroundings. Although, with Ymir as his bartender, and the revelation that Historia was dating her, it made him feel infinitely more comfortable. 

“You got it, string bean,” Ymir’s hands seemed to glide from the bottles as she made his drink in seconds, “Want me to just keep a tab for you? It’s easier to pay that way.” Bertholdt nodded while taking a sip of his drink. Full of bubbles, and just the right amount of alcohol for taste, he drank it in about ten minutes. Ordering another, he downed it just as fast. He, Armin, and Historia chatted into the night and cackled whenever Armin told them his jokes. Bertholdt felt a rising ecstasy from his chest into his head, and he became more giggly and touchy as the night progressed. 

“Hey Armin, I’m gonna use the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” Armin nodded and let him go. Strutting his way into the bathroom, he did his business, and went to wash his hands. Another man who had just finished, washed his hands alongside Bertholdt. 

“You come here alone tonight cutie?” Bertholdt turned the faucet off. His hands were shaking lightly, but the alcohol gave him newfound confidence, “Just with some friends, why are you…” Bertholdt looked upon him, and his mind halted, “...as..king?” Bertholdt’s words were choppy and undefined. 

“Just thought you could use some company, my stuttering star. The name’s Zeke by the way.” He was dressed in black corduroy trousers, loafers, and a partially buttoned, white dress shirt that exposed his chest. His glasses were round black frames that accented his face shape well. 

Bertholdt stopped any physical motion to focus on his mental state. He pondered his options.

“ _Should I go with him?”_

_“I came here for Historia and Armin, not to hook up with a random guy.”_

_“Although he’s quite attractive, disgustingly so. It might be the best way to forget about him.”_

_“After all, he still hasn’t texted or called me to apologize or talk.”_

_“And not even 5 seconds after meeting this man, he compliments me and wants to take me out.”_

“C’mon then, handsome~,”Bertholdt walked out with Zeke trailing behind him, and back towards his friends. Armin however, was notably missing. 

“Where did Armin go?” He face contorted into a frown that his new friend wasn’t there, “Oh Bertholdt, he said it was getting late, and he had to drive to see his parents in the morning, who live a few hours away,” Ymir filled him in. Historia appeared visibly out of it. 

Checking her watch Ymir continued, “My shift’s also just about up, so I’m gonna take Historia back to her apartment. Feel free to ask Pieck down there if you want anything.” She left with Historia in hand, leading her carefully out to her car. 

“Looks like it’s just you and me now… Bertholdt, was it?” Zeke smirked and glanced at him, with lust dancing just past his eyes, “You can call me Bert if you’d like,” Bertholdt was developing an attraction for his sweet words. 

“Alright, Bert~ Wanna go dance for a little bit?” Bertholdt grabbed Zeke’s hand and hurriedly escorted him to the floor, “Hmmm, I’ll have to think about it~” Bertholdt flirted. 

On the other side of the bar, the bell above the door rung quietly, as Reiner, followed by Jean, and Eren entered. 

“Yo, I say we do three rounds of shots before anything else, deal? It’s a special initiation into the company, Jean and I had to do it with Old Man Ackerman you know,” Eren cheered in agreement with Reiner’s idea. He waved Pieck down and she prepared nine shots of spiced rum with precision and ease. Downing the first round, the boys high-fived one another. 

“Whew, that shit is strong!” Eren’s eyes widened and attempted to swallow more of his saliva to erase the taste, “That’s nothin’ you little pussy, c’mon, another!” Reiner rustled Eren’s hair. They downed the second round, this time with Eren looking worse for wear. 

“Guys... I don’t know if I can do a third,” Eren attempted to hold his stomach at bay, “Hey miss, could I get some water please?” Pieck politely obliged, “Of course sweetie,” and poured him a large glass. Eren swallowed it all in seconds, “Alright, let’s do that third.” Jean and Reiner patted him on the back in recognition.

After throwing back the third shot, Reiner and Jean were becoming more chatty with each other and discussing their favorite types of cars and trucks. Eren, having barely consumed alcohol in his life besides the occasional beer, was loopy and staggering. 

“Hey little guy, want some more water?” Jean lightly rubbed his hand on Eren’s back in sympathy, “Nah I… I think I’m… good,” he was swaying gently, but could barely utter a sentence. 

“Hey mister, this is for you,” Pieck had handed Jean a blue colored cocktail, “I didn’t order anything besides those shots?” Pieck rolled her eyes, “Yeah mister, I know you didn’t, but that boy down there ordered it for you.” With her pointing, Pieck showed him the guy she was referring to. The unknown boy sipped his own cocktail and pretended not to notice, he wore his hair short and middle-parted, he also had freckles blanketing his cheeks.

“That… guy, bought this for me? You sure I’m the right person?” Jean’s eyebrows were raised, but curiosity coated his voice, “Yea I’m sure, he made it a point to make sure you were the one that received it.” Pieck quipped while walking away with a glass in hand. 

“Ooo, damn Jean I knew you were a ladies’ man but I didn’t know you were into guys too,” Reiner teased and flustered him. Jean blushed lightly, but looked in the boy’s direction, taking a small sip. Next he took a larger sip. Then finally, finishing it off by tilting his head back. 

“Damn that shit was fucking good, what the hell?” He stared at the empty glass, and looked at Reiner, “You should get one of these too, it tastes good as hell!”

“I’m not getting one of those gay ass drinks, Jean.” Reiner’s face looked upon him with internal disgust and confusion. Jean moved his head away from Reiner and back towards the boy at the end of the bar, connecting eyes with him.

“I’m gonna go see what he’s like, I’ll catch ya in a bit Reiner,” Jean hopped out of his seat with enthusiasm, and went to talk to the boy.

“H-hey there,” Jean sat himself beside him, “Hi,” the unknown boy giggled and continued to sip his drink, “I’m Jean, and you would be?” the boy put down his drink, “I’m Marco, Marco Bott. Nice to meet you handsome.” Jean’s lips quivered ever so slightly at being complimented by a boy. He had had some boys in high school flirt with him or ask him on dates, but because of his social status and closetedness, he always rejected them. However, he had always had a strong urge to experiment, and he wanted to now. 

“I’m uhhh, handsome?” Jean rolled an empty glass in his hand, “I mean, I think you are,” Marco’s smile was pleasant, and comforting, “C-cause, you’re really cute, I think,” Jean’s chest blazed like a furnace, his heart becoming as heavy as stone.

“Can I just ask a quick question,” Marco smirked slightly, “Is this your first time with a guy? Or are you always this nervous?” In other instances, Jean would have clocked Marco in the face and left, but his smile radiated his well-meaning intentions, “Yeah uh, I’ve been asked before but um, I’ve never really talked, um with a, a guy… before” His redundancy and anxiety in his words made Marco giggle and he traced the outside of his glass with his finger. 

“Well, I’ll be sure to make a good first impression,” Marco said while taking Jean’s hand, “Wanna go dance? Or you too nervous for that too?” Jean puffed his chest slightly, “Of course I’m not! Let’s go Marco!” Marco led Jean to the floor, hand in hand. 

As the two new crushes left the bar, Reiner noticed Jean’s hand, and where it was placed. He ever so lightly clenched his fist. Looking at Eren, Reiner felt sympathy for his small stature, the boy was wasted. 

“Heyyyy Reinerrrr, can you help me to the bathroom? I need to goooo…” Eren waved his finger around in the air, “Yea bud, let’s get you cleaned up,” and Reiner helped Eren walk to the bathroom. While inside, Eren went into a stall and puking was heard inside. Reiner paid no mind to it, he had been in the same situation before, and he did not judge Eren for it either. A few men entered, did their business and left by the time Eren came out of the stall. His face was dry, and no sign of vomit was on him, or the toilet. Contented with not having to clean anything, Reiner aided Eren in washing his face and hands, and they left the room to go back to their seats. 

“Heyyy, I know that guy,” Eren giggled to himself, “that’s my brother over there, funny that we’re here at the same time.” Eren pointed in the direction of Zeke, and Reiner glanced to catch a look of him. Bertholdt was close with him, foreheads touching, and both dancing while smiling intensely. 

“What. the. Fuck.”


	6. The Pain Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bar shenanigans pt 2 hehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii guysssss ^w^ after today, there will probably be more days between updates cause im going back to college, but i 3000% still be updating it frequently because i love this story, AND i love you guys who read it. you guys srsly keep me going and i love you so much <3333

“Reiner? What’s wrong buddyyy, you look up..set..” Eren playfully teased him while booping him on the nose. 

“Is your brother a fag?” He didn’t break his glance to the boys across the room.

“Are you asking if my brother is gaaaayyyyy? You got a crush on him tough guy?” Eren giggled wildly while pointing at him. 

“No the fuck I don’t. But he’s dancing with Bert. I’m going over there.” Reiner stomped towards the floor while Eren was left dangling off of the bar. Pieck saw him and offered Eren another glass of water, to which he accepted and stayed there. 

“Zeke, you’re… amazing, did you know that? You make me feel accepted.” Bertholdt’s breath was laced in arousal and joy. 

“Anything for you baby boy,” as he leaned upwards and kissed the top of of Bertholdt’s head. 

“And who the fuck is this?” Reiner stood barely half a meter from the two boys. 

“Reiner?! What the hell are you doing here?” Bertholdt’s hands clutched Zeke’s arms tighter and Zeke stepped slightly in front of Bertholdt towards Reiner.

“I _was_ here with my buddies having a drink, but one ran off with a little bitch boy and the other is wasted out of his goddamn mind. And now I see you here with some pedo’?” His voice was rising in volume, as a few couples around them overheard the situation.

“Why does it matter to you what I do with my life Reiner? You haven’t even contacted me since yesterday, after pulling that idiot stunt!” Bertholdt’s voice returned Reiner’s aggression and volume. Reiner took a step closer as Zeke did the same, “Because… because I don’t fucking **know** Bert! I don’t know what I did! I don’t know why I did it, okay?! But you shouldn’t be with this fucker! There’s plenty of cute girls in here!”

“Since you were so dense all those years, I don’t like **girls** Reiner! I don’t! The only reason I ever fucking said to you that I did, was because you and your buddies never stopped pestering me about it!” Bertholdt’s anger broke into a scream, and most of the floor was now watching the scene play out.

“Y-you what?” Reiner’s voice instantly broke and fell in magnitude.

“I. **Never.** Liked. Girls. Reiner. What aren’t you getting? There’s plenty of people in my life now that actually want me as a person, and not the facade I put on,” Bertholdt’s voice regained its clarity and stability, “So before you come into my shit, go figure out your own first.” The boys, along with the crowd of onlookers, were silent, with only music breaking the stillness. 

“Just… fuck you. Whatever, I’m fuckin’ leaving.” Reiner turned and headed straight out the door. After the bell above the door rung, Jean and Marco went over to Bertholdt and Zeke.

“Heyyy, Bertholdt,” Jean rubbed one hand on the back of his head, and the other clutching Marco’s. 

“Jean? Did you come here with Reiner? Are you who he was talking about?” Bertholdt looked down and saw Jean’s hand holding Marco’s, “Yeah uh, I did, and I met this cutie,” He pecked Marco on the cheek.

“Oh… I mean after hanging out so much during highschool, I figured you were as straight as every other guy on the football team,” Bertholdt inquired, yet was relaxed, “Yea well, I wasn’t entirely. And Marco here, was brave enough to hit on me.” Marco pecked Jean’s cheek in retaliation. 

“I’m also sorry, ‘cause I think I may have been the cause for Reiner’s little outburst there. If I didn’t run off with Marco, he might not have been such a douche,” he rested his weight on one foot and brought his hand down into his pocket. 

“That makes a lot of sense actually,” Bertholdt was relieved that Jean wasn’t there to antagonize him, “but anyway, this is Zeke, we just met tonight.”

“Hello boys,” he shook each of their hands, “are you guys enjoying yourselves?”

“Yeah uh, we are,” Marco and Jean spoke in unison, and surprised themselves, as the other two laughed in reply, “Well, we’re gonna go back to dancing, what are you guys up to?”

“Actually, Zeke, do you think we could get going? I’m getting a bit tired and I have work in the morning,” he pleaded with sincere eyes, “Of course Bertl. We’ll see you guys later.” They all exchanged hugs and waved goodbye.

As they were walking out of the bar, Zeke saw his brother asleep on a chair, “Eren? Erennn, are you awake?” Eren barely nodded, “Do you wanna come home with me for the night?” Zeke rubbed his brother’s back, “Y...es, pleaseeee,” he groggily lifted himself from the bar. 

“Alright, are you absolutely sure you’re sober enough to drive Bertl?” Zeke and Bertholdt walked out, hand in hand, with Eren trailing behind them. 

“Yes I’m sure, it’s been hours since my last drink, and they weren’t that strong to begin with,” he stated truthfully, “Alright then, what’s your number so we can do this again sometime. Even after the little theatrics with your… friend?, I’d still love to get to know you more,” Zeke’s prowess for arousing Bertholdt made him blush, “Y-yea I’ll put it in for you.” 

They went their separate ways for the night, and Bertholdt was nothing, if not ecstatic at the new direction of his life. Being himself brought new happiness into his life, in the form of Zeke. However, he was extremely unsure about what to do with Reiner. 

_“I’ll let him figure it out himself, he obviously has some shit he has to work through.”_

_“Reiner was my best friend, but maybe we’ve just grown too distant, I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up about being with him in that way.”_

_“_ **_It was just a waste of my time._ ** _”_

  
  
  
  


Reiner’s car was silent on his drive home. But his head, was louder than a jet engine. 

_“What the fuck am I supposed to do?”_

_“Why didn’t I apologize?”_

_“I’m such a fucking idiot.”_

Reiner arrived at his apartment, made his way inside, stripped down, and lied on the couch. 

“Why the FUCK can’t I do anything right for him?!” He buried his face into his hands, “I should be happy for him, so why am I so angry? **WHY** did I embarrass myself?” He brought his hands down and wiped his tears on the couch, “By the fucking Founder, I’m not gay, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not…” 

“I’m- I’m not a fag, please… I’m not a stupid fag…” His voice broke, and his tears flooded down his face, “I’m normal, right? Please, please tell me I’m normal.”

  
“Why do I want to **kiss** him so badly? We’re just friends! We’re just really close, I don’t want to kiss other guys, I just want **him**.” Reiner continued his monologue into the empty space, “I love him, but why do I just want to punch him? I want him to be safe, I want him to be mine… fuck…”


	7. A Storm Outside and In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of Reiner's thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guyssss, tysm for waiting for this <3 to be honest im not too confident with this one, but I wanted to expand more on Reiner. have you guys drank water today? go drink some water >:( anyway ily cause yall are amazing :)

Days passed after the incident at the bar, both men going their separate ways. Each of their respective contacts within their phones were left unattended. Reiner reassumed his position at the construction company and reassimilated back into his old life style with ease. Bertholdt continued to be Dr. Zoe’s assistant, and spoke frequently with Armin and Historia, developing new and deeper relationships with them. After about a couple days of seeing each other, Zeke and Bertholdt declared to their close friends that they were dating. Becoming closer with him, and hearing about Bertholdt’s life up until current day, Historia cried tears of joy for Bertholdt as someone who struggled similarly. Armin was equally supportive, viewing Zeke as a positive, motivational figure for Bertholdt. Equally so, approximately one week after the bar incident, Marco and Jean also declared their relationship, and Jean came into work that day with a smile on his face. 

“Why so giddy today, Horse-face?” Reiner antagonized him.

“Erm, because Marco... asked me last night if I wanted to be his boyfriend,” Jean was nervous but prideful in his partner, “Honestly, I thought you were just using him for some ass, but looks like he’s got you all tangled up huh?” 

“You better watch your fuckin’ mouth Braun, I wouldn’t wanna say anything after that shit you pulled last week,” Jean was facing Reiner, hand on his hip, “Yeah, what about it?” Reiner stood up.

“Just saying, it’s kinda embarrassing that you made a scene about two gay guys at a bar that’s owned by one,” Jean face contorted smugly, “Yeah, well at least I’m not a dirty fag like all of you fuckers.” He pointed at Jean with accusation.

“Hey man, I like girls too, don’t get me wrong. But I also like guys, both can be cute,” Jean shrugged and walked away towards the location of his assignment. Reiner sat back down, rubbing his forehead in pain. Ever since that night, he had been getting painful migraines throughout each day, and pain relievers only helped so much. 

“Braun! Get your ass up off that bench and help Springer with the mortar!” Kenny yelled from several meters away, “Yeah yeah, I’m gettin’ to it.” He stood once more, and headed to where Connie was working diligently. The sound of the mortar was like mud beneath boots, and the bricks like his headaches. Connie had had a rhythm while placing them, but it was becoming inconsistent as he grew tired. 

Reiner’s task was easy enough to let his mind wander, his body resembling a machine. Within the last week he had sobbed himself to sleep, and bags were developing under his eyes, along with scruff that he didn’t have the energy to shave. The entire time, he thought of Bertholdt. He thought of the memories that were sure to be in Bertholdt’s mind as well. The late nights helping each other study, the early morning coffee after a party on a weekday, the drives to school where they destroyed their voices by singing with too much passion. He missed Bertholdt. He missed everything about him. He missed his entire being. 

“ _ But am I good enough for him? Am I what he deserves?” _

Reiner squinted as he glanced towards the sky. The clouds blanketed everywhere till the horizon, and they were a gentle gray. However the sun’s brightness still seeped through them. Even the darkest storm clouds in the distance did not cease the sun’s relentless pursuit of the earth. He let out a sigh, and checked the time. There was only a few hours until the shift was supposed to end. Keeping himself occupied, he continued to slather mortar and bathe in his self-loathing. 

\----------------------------------

“Alright y’all, go home for the day!” Kenny screamed across the site. The precession of workers out of the half-built building carried Reiner in its undertow, like sand under the ocean. He climbed into his truck, performing motions he had done hundreds of times to leave the site and return home. While he was driving, the dark clouds rolled over the sky in terrifying force, unleashing torrents of sleet and rain. Reiner had little trouble controlling his vehicle, but the weather filled his mind with painful thoughts. 

_ “I could just pretend it was an accident.” _

_ “No one would have to know.” _

_ “It would be so, easy…” _

Slowly drifting his wheel more and more towards the ditch alongside the road, his mind replayed the events of the bar, and the things Bertholdt had said to him. How Reiner was oblivious to who Bertholdt truly was, even though Reiner tried his hardest to understand him. He didn’t care whether Bertholdt was wearing a mask or not, he liked him just the same. He paused in his endeavor. His heart thudded as he foresaw Bertholdt’s sorrow, and his own regret. He despised himself for what he’s done, and what he’s neglected, but he couldn’t let Bertholdt shoulder that burden for his sake. He would be repeating the past once more. He readjusted his place on the road, Reiner carefully made it home. 

He went inside to calm down, drinking a glass of water and breathing heavily on the couch. It was only just approaching evening, but he had already been waltzing with death like it was a game. Reiner rubbed his forehead, a tremendous pain sneaking its way up from his neck, to his temples.

_ “Maybe this pain is a manifestation of all the pain I’ve caused Bertholdt, it would only be right.” _

The headaches would not dissipate no matter the drug he consumed or the diet he followed. He dealt with them as to possibly atone for his recent manners towards everyone most important in his life. 

_ “How am I even going to apologize? Would they even still want me in their life?” _

Reiner breathed more slowly, closing his eyes and imagining his best friend. He thought of Bertholdt next to him, holding his hand, telling Reiner that he forgives him. Telling Reiner that it doesn’t matter what he does, he’ll still be his forever more. 

_ “We’ll rule the world together just like you said, remember? Just the two of us, Reiner.” _

Reiner cried that night, harder than he ever had in his life. 


	8. To Be Driftwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!!! TRIGGER WARNING !!!!! I am adding archive warnings to the story for readers. This chapter includes sexual abuse, so please read at your own discretion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> h-hi guys. how you? :'3 aot episode 8 of season 4 fucked me the heck up, even tho i had already read the manga qqqqqqq. pls drink some water u guys, you'll need it after crying sm. anyway i hope you guys are doing well otherwise <3 ily guys sm

“You’re really cute you know.”

“Not as handsome as you baby boy.”

Bertholdt and Zeke lied on Zeke’s couch, legs and arms intertwined with another. Bertholdt was nuzzled under his boyfriend’s neck, warmth and comfort seeping into him. A movie was playing, but Bertholdt’s mind was focused on the heartbeat drumming underneath him. With each thud, he grew closer to sleep, his breaths becoming longer and deeper. 

The landscape beyond the home was dark and dim. Stormclouds raged overhead, providing sleet and rain upon the rooftop, while gentle gray clouds lied just in viewing distance. Beats of precipitation lulled Bertholdt to sleep further, which was interrupted. 

“Baby?” Zeke whispered carefully in his ear, “are you sleepin’?”

“Nooo, I’m not,” he arose groggily, “but… I am kind of sleepy.” He rubbed his eyes to focus them.

“Do you wanna just head to bed then? It’s not that late, but you could use the extra sleep hon.” He rubbed Bertholdt’s shoulder with reassuring movements. 

“Y-yeah baby, let’s go then.” Zeke helped him up off of the couch, and they drudged their way into Zeke’s bedroom. His large bed allowed even Bertholdt to fit comfortably horizontally. They both removed their clothes down to their underwear and slid into the bed, multiple blankets weighing down on them. The only light came from the streetlights barely bleeding through the window. Zeke was behind Bertholdt, his arms wrapped under his head, and the other around his chest. Their legs intertwined similarly to the session upon the couch moments before. 

“Mmm, I love you baby,” Bertholdt mumbled out, “goodnight.” A few seconds past without a response, “Baby?” He felt something on his lower back, nearing his underwear.

“B-baby, what are you doing?” Bertholdt’s voice leaked confusion. Zeke’s hand traveled from Bertholdt’s chest to his underwear, groping and creating friction on both sides, “Zeke.” 

“Yes, baby boy?” Zeke lust crept from his throat into his hands.

“Why are you… w-why are you doing t-this?” It was becoming hard to speak as Zeke was becoming increasingly more deliberate with this motions. He slowly slid down Bertholdt’s underwear and increased the pressure between their bodies. Anxiety rushed through his veins. He had no control. 

“Zeke, stop. Please, I just want to go to bed.” Bertholdt’s voice was as calm as he could muster.

“C’mon, be a good little boy for me, I just wanna make you happy,” Zeke masturbated him and removed his own underwear simultaneously, grinding vigorously against Bertholdt’s exposed skin below his waist. 

“N-no Zeke, I don’t… I don’t want to… Stop! Please!” Bertholdt’s voice rose tremendously in volume, panic causing him to squirm.

“Bertie, stay still, you’ll like it, just let me do this,” Zeke thrusted his lower half progressively harder against Bertholdt’s hole. Bertholdt was held in place by Zeke’s arm around his neck, slightly cutting off airflow. He was erect despite protest from his brain, and Zeke’s lust overpowered his craving for freedom.

“Zeke, I said stop, please, just stop!” Bertholdt’s scream turned into a cry, a plea for help.

“You’ll get used to it baby boy, don’t be too loud,” One of Zeke’s hands covered his mouth, as Zeke used his body to flip Bertholdt, laying face down. Zeke’s body was too heavy for him to struggle effectively. The sound of spitting and the feeling of wetness scared Bertholdt. 

“Ah!-” Zeke’s body fell onto his, hand around Bertholdt’s mouth, and member inside him. Tears involuntarily flowed forth from his face, rolling over Zeke’s hands. His screams were inaudible over the growing storm outside. The pain was like hellfire, raging and indescribable. His entire body felt weak and defeated. 

His legs were shaking vigorously as he continued to squirm, Zeke holding him adequately in place while violating him as he pleased. Wet skin upon skin, slapping over and over and over until Bertholdt lost track of time. The tears still came out, but his eyes were glazed over as his mind began to disassociate. His body continued to react physically, but mentally, Bertholdt was not there. Once he stopped resisting intensely, Zeke played with his body further, and eventually came inside of him. He stood up and left the room after he was finished. However, Bertholdt lied stiffly in shock, covered in tears in various fluids. 

“Hey baby,” Zeke returned moments later, “thanks for that~” He was grinning and rubbing Bertholdt’s back. He didn’t lift his head from the pillow.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything, I know you enjoyed it, my little baby boy.” Zeke climbed back into bed with Bertholdt, and resumed their cuddling position. Bertholdt was still not completely there.

Soon the storm lessened, and all that was heard was the dripping of water on the windowsill. 

  
  


\--------------------------------------------

Bertholdt woke up alone in Zeke’s bed, still naked. The sun was strong in the window, allowing him to see a small piece of paper on the bedside table. The handwriting was scribbled, as if in a hurry. 

_“Hey Bert, I went to work cause my boss called me in. There’s some bacon on the stove, help yourself. Thank you again for last night, it was amazing baby boy. I love you.”_

All at once, the shock of the hours previous resonated through him, halting his breathing. 

_“H-he didn’t mean it, I’m sure.”_

_“But why would he…”_

_“I mean…”_

_“He just needed to…”_

_“He said he loves me, and I love him, so I should forgive him.”_

_“Right?...”_

All these thoughts clanged around with wild abandon in Bertholdt’s head. He rose off the bed, legs sore and pained. He looked down at himself, but was immediately disgusted. His legs toppled over one another to the bathroom, barely making it in time to hurl anything in his stomach into the toilet. Gasping and dripping stomach acid from his mouth, he hurled once more, less material coming from his throat. 

_“Why, is this happening, to me…?”_

_“I just wanted somebody to love me…”_

_“But Zeke does, right?”_

His knees were becoming bruised while sitting down, his lungs barely able to bring in air. He spit the remnants of the bile in his mouth into the water and flushed it. Standing slowly and unstably, he walked awkwardly back to the bedroom to redress. The ground barely felt his footsteps while making it to the kitchen, the clock on the stove reading 11:12 am. He was much too late for work, but his limp stature did not respond to the fear of losing his job. 

Looking at the bacon on the stove, Bertholdt dry heaved slightly, and chose to instead lay on the couch. He did not drive there, so he was not able to leave of his own volition.

_“I suppose I could ask a friend for a ride, and tell Zeke later.”_

Historia and Armin were most definitely at the office, and Jean was also probably at work. Bertholdt did not have Marco’s number, so he couldn’t ask him either.

_“Reiner…”_

His finger hovered over Reiner’s name. 

_“But he was such an asshole last time we saw each other.”_

_“But he’s also the only one that would do this for me…”_

_“There’s also no telling what Zeke will do when he gets back.”_

His fear of Zeke overriding his anxiety of Reiner, he dialed Reiner’s number. Moments of ringing passed, and as it was about to convert to voicemail,

“B-Bertholdt?” Reiner’s voice was quivering, it sounded almost relieved.

“Hi, Reiner.”

“What’s… um… what’s up?” He attempted to sound typical, like nothing had happened. However, pain was laced in his silence.

“I’m just at my boyfriend's house, but he uh, went to work. I was wondering, if you could pick me up since I don’t have my car with me?” Bertholdt used any energy he had to create a persona of calm.

“Are you sure you want m-me to? I mean, if you really want me t-”

“Yes, Reiner. I want you to.”

“Alright uh, well, what’s the address?” Reiner’s energy seemed to lift.

Bertholdt gathered his things, and walked outside, his skin paler than the snow along the walkway. Reiner arrived momentarily. 

Ascending into the truck Bertholdt shivered with cold, “It’s freezing, jeez.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” a nebulous melody played between them, like actors on a stage. 

Reiner started to drive away, but caught glimpses of Bertholdt’s stale expression out the window.

“So uh, how was… what’s-his-name’s?” Reiner tried desperately to make conversation, “His name is Zeke, and it was good.” Bertholdt lifted his lips into a faux smile. 

“That’s good, good.” Reiner returned his attention to the road. After driving into Bertholdt’s parking lot, Bertholdt bid Reiner goodbye with a quiet thank you. Reiner felt defeated and tricked.

_“I really thought he was going to want me back, or ask to apologize. I’m so fucking stupid.”_


	9. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bertie has a hard time .3. also just to clear up, this chapter takes place the day after bertholdt gets dropped off at his place by reiner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYSSSSSS ILYYYYY ik last chapter mightve felt a little sudden, but its plot relevant dwwwww, you guys better drink water!!!!

“Baby, what is it? I’m at work!”

“I just wanted to hear your beautiful voice my love~”

Historia tried to keep Ymir quiet on the phone, as Armin was working dutifully next to her. They were set to open within a few minutes, and so they prepared and organized all necessary paperwork and files. The front door opened with a gust of frigid air following it.

“Sorry, can you wait a fe- Oh, Bertholdt!” Historia looked up and was beaming to see her friend, “Ymir I’ll call you on my break!” She quickly turned her phone off and stood up to greet him.

“Where were you yesterday? To be honest, Dr. Zoe didn’t really mind because they said ‘I like the challenge that comes with working alone,’ and ranted all day about how you were just secretly testing them,” Historia told the story with extravagant hand gestures and mocking faces. 

“T-that sounds like them, if you’ll excuse me,” Bertholdt nodded his head at both of them, smiled, and walked to his office to prepare for work. Historia and Armin turned towards each other, confused.

“Why did he rush by so quickly? Usually he loves to give us hugs…” Armin was slightly unsettled, “He also didn’t say where he was…” Historia shrugged and sat back down, “I suppose if it was serious he would want to let us know, right?” Armin sighed lightly and went back to typing on his computer. Within a half hour, a patient walked in and the thought of Bertholdt’s struggles faded from their minds. 

“BERTHOLDTTTTT! My boy, how are you?! Ya know, thank you so much for yesterday! I really learned a lot from managing everything on my own, it really put me to work.” Dr. Zoe was throwing their arms in their wildly and patting Bertholdt on the shoulder as they complimented him.

“I’m glad I could help,” his lips curled unnaturally and kept his voice to an almost whisper. His mind appeared elsewhere.

“Well there’s a patient coming, I’ll go handle them! You just stay here and handle their paperwork, alright Bertie?” Dr. Zoe ruffled his hair and went to their combined office. He looked down on the paper. Mindlessly checking boxes to confirm their records, he sighed. Then his phone buzzed. 

_ “Hey, where are you? How did you get home?”  _ It was Zeke. How was he just now finding out about Bertholdt not being in his residence?

_ “I got a ride from a friend cause I had work, sorry, I must have forgot to tell you.”  _ He thought that was sufficient enough of an explanation.

_ “Who gave you a ride? Tell me. And why didn’t you let me know sooner? Why didn’t you just wait until I got home?”  _ It was clear Zeke was becoming more agitated.

_ “Just one of my friends, and like I said, I forgot, I’m sorry.”  _ Bertholdt tried his best to reconcile the situation. A fuzzy feeling washed over his face.

_ “Tell me now who gave you a ride. Were you cheating on me or something? Is that why you’re not telling me? After all that I’ve done for you?”  _ Those words stung slightly, juxtaposing previous texts from the day before, that outlined Zeke’s admiration for Bertholdt’s willfulness and independence. A tear started to develop in his left eye.

_ “It was my friend Reiner, he was off of work that day so he gave me a ride. I promise I’m not cheating on you baby, I just wanted to rest at my place.”  _ Bertholdt put down his phone, attempting to concentrate on the menial tasks on his desk. However, his phone buzzed again.

_ “Fine, I guess.”  _ Minutes passed.

_ “Just tell me next time okay? I worry about you, I’m sorry baby boy.”  _ Bertholdt’s hands felt like freezing water, just close enough to being ice. His fingers moved slowly across the keyboard as he tried to understand Zeke’s feelings, 

_ “It’s okay baby, I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. I love you.”  _ Bertholdt put his phone down once more. He wanted to believe Zeke. He trusted Zeke. He  **loved** Zeke.

_ “I do love him, right? Because he loves me.” _

He wiped the tears from his eye, and finished the patient’s form. Then, Dr. Zoe came out of the room like a storm, “Bert! Got that form?” They snatched it from his hands and looked over it multiple times coming to an epiphany, “AH! YES! Thank you so much Bert!” They left as quickly as they came, going back into the patient’s room. He was left without instruction from his superior, so he went to the break room to get some water.

Walking quickly as not to attract attention to himself, he entered the break room in silence. He did not see anybody, so he grabbed a plastic cup and filled it to the brim. The water was forced down his throat violently, finishing it in seconds. Gasping for breath, he set the cup down and returned to his station. 

Dr. Zoe was still not finished with their patient, so Bertholdt reopened his phone. Touching the screen lightly as if the messages retained feelings, he scrolled his way to days earlier.

“ _ Yo bertie im omw, better be ready lol” _

_ “Of course I am, I’ll be waiting out front” _

He wished he could return to those days, when all he had to worry about was making new friends, and his dinner with Reiner. Bertholdt disliked Reiner as a person, but missed his best friend. He missed the innate connection they shared when making conversation. But his anxiety overrode those emotions,

_ “You don’t need him, he’s already expressed how he feels about you.” _

_ “You already have Zeke, he messes up, but doesn’t everybody? Just forgive him, he loves you.” _

Bertholdt considered these thoughts, and felt Zeke’s apology was genuine enough to warrant being forgiven. Zeke would not lie to him. There’s no way that he would.

  
  


\------------------------------------

Towards the end of the day, Bertholdt continued to work alongside Dr. Zoe, and filled out more paperwork. As he was leaving the office,

“Hey, Bertholdt!” Historia ran up to him, almost to the door, “Would you wanna get more drinks with Armin and I tonight? Ymir will be the bartender,” she winked, the excitement oozing out of her, “Yeah, and you can fill us in about yesterday too,” Armin suggested passively. 

He winced at the mention of the day before, but replied, “Sorry, I think I have plans with Zeke tonight, let me call him real quick,” Bertholdt fed blatant lies to them, however he didn’t know if Zeke would enjoy him going to the bar by himself, as they have only gone together. 

Stepping outside, he called his boyfriend, “Hey baby~” Bertholdt tried to sound flirty.

“Hey baby boy, what’s up?” Zeke sounded delighted.

“I was just wondering if it would be okay if I went to Garrison Bar tonight with Armin and Historia, it would just be-” he was cut off before he could finish, “No.”

“W-why not baby? If it’s the drinking, I promise I’ll only have water an-” Once again he did not finish.

“I don’t want any other guys flirting with you at the bar, and what would happen if that friend of yours, Reiner shows up again? I’m worried about you baby boy. Just come over after work and I’ll make you dinner.”

“O-okay baby. Thank you, I love you.” 

“I love you too baby boy~” Zeke hung up the call, and Bertholdt’s sunken expression was visible to Armin and Historia inside. As he reopened the doors Armin asks, “I’m guessing he said no?” 

“Yeah, apparently he was planning something really special tonight, and it was gonna be a surprise, so he wants me to come by right after work.” Bertholdt rubbed the back of his head in shame and feigned a smile.

“It’s alright Bert! We can easily do it another time! Just ask, I’m always ready hehe,” Historia’s face was too excited at the thought of drinking.

“Alrighty, I’ll see you guys later,” Bertholdt walked out the doors once more, “See you!” Armin and Historia yelled back in unison. The sun was already under the horizon, and the lights emanating from it were radiant pinks and reds. 

Bertholdt turned the ignition, and sighed, still unknowing if he was ready to see his boyfriend again.


	10. Catharsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner finally relaxes a little bit with some help from friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii!!! I feel like it's been forever since I updated even though it probably hasn't been that long. Here's the new chapter <333 As always I love you guys SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much :3 my readers are the best thing ever hehe. oh, and if you guys havent read it already, I have a small one shot under my works that I might turn into a small story if you guys want, go check it out! now, before you read, go drink some water or eat a small snack!

Reiner finished work for that day, still unable to cope with his emotions from the previous one. His hands continued to shake whenever he thought of Bertholdt, and while in his truck, he buried his face into said hands. Most everyone had left for the day already, but he remained unmoving. 

_“What, what am I supposed to do.”_

He looked through his phone, not a notification for days on end. He found the number he was looking for. It only ringed for a second before being answered,

“Reiner? You mean to call me?” Jean sounded slightly confused.

“Y-yeah, uh, I wanted to um,” he stuttered and stumbled over every other word, “to apologize for the other day. Both at the bar, and at work. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...” He was on the verge of tears. 

“Woah, Reiner, you good? I accept your apology man, it’s not that bad, trust me. You wanna come over to my place and we can talk? Marco’s here too if that’s okay.” Jean reassured him through the phone.

“Yeah, I’ll uh, I’ll be over in a bit.” Reiner hung up the phone and let out the largest breath of relief he had had in a very long time. 

Driving to Jean’s house, edging the speed limit to do so, Reiner pulled into his driveway. Jean and Marco were already waiting on the porch for him, bundled in warm attire. 

“Hey loser,” Jean announced from his position, “Jean!” Marco punched him lightly, likely knowing why Reiner was there and feeling sympathetic. 

“H-hey guys,” Reiner looked up at them from the bottom of the stairs, eyes drooping and smile relaxed, “Come inside bud, you want anything to drink?” They all entered the home, “Just water is fine.” Reiner made his way to the living room with Marco, while Jean went to the kitchen to fetch water. 

The room was decorated plainly, simple paintings and plastic flowers adorned side tables and yellow walls. The fabric of the couch was slightly coarse but plush and comfortable to sit on. A picture of Jean and Marco smiling and hugging was hidden just under a magazine. 

“So, how are you feeling Reiner?” Marco’s smile sent waves of warmth throughout the room, “I’m… are you sure it’s okay? I was such a bitch to you guys…” Reiner rubbed his arm and looked down at his feet. 

“Reiner, if I am going to be honest, I’ve dealt with worse. Especially when it comes to people being upset about who I’m with.” Marco was leaned forward, elbows on his knees, “And I have a feeling that’s what this is about, isn’t it?” Just then, Jean returned with the water and set it in front of Reiner on the coffee table. He and Marco were sat across from him in different chairs.

“I… fuck, are you still sure?” He kept avoiding eye contact, “Reiner look, I’ve known you since middle school, I feel like I’m the one person you can be honest with this about. I’m literally dating a dude, I’m not gonna judge you.” Jean held Marco’s hand in solidarity with him.

“I… I think I like Bertholdt, in… in that, um,” He took a deep breath, “in that way…”

“I can’t get him out of my head, and I’ve been so miserable lately that I think I just keep lashing out at people so they’ll leave me alone…” Reiner started crying.

“I, I fucking kissed him. I fucking KISSED HIM, and I didn’t know what to fucking do, I-” Marco sat beside him and rubbed his back, giving him reassurance, “I didn’t know what to do, I just kissed him because it felt right. He was gone for so long Jean, I didn’t want him to leave.” Jean joined Marco on the other side of Reiner.

“Hey bud, it’s alright. Just keep going,” Jean rubbed Reiner’s knee.

“Then he didn’t say anything and left, I didn’t even call or text him. I got so angry at myself for letting it happen, I didn’t wanna be… I didn’t think I was…” Reiner’s tears blurred his vision.

“You didn’t want to like guys?” Marco stated gently, “Y-yeah…” Reiner whispered.

“But, when I saw with him Zeke, it felt so much worse. Like everything I’d ever known or wanted being taken from me in front of my eyes. I felt like I was going to be alone… I was, jealous. I think…” Reiner’s head began to feel aflame, burning infinitely hot. He gulped down the water in front of him to quench the flames. 

“Reiner, I’ve been there. I know the feeling of contemplating your very existence. I had to overcome that,” He gestured to his boyfriend, “Jean had to overcome that as well. And sometimes we need people to help us push that process along, and that’s completely okay.” Marco offered his hand to Reiner.

“We’re both here for you Reiner.” Reiner took Marco’s hand, and a flood of boiling tears erupted from his eyes. He devoured Marco in an embrace, and Marco returned it in kind. 

“I… I just want him back. I just want my Bertie again…” His breathing elongated, his heart slowing.

“We can help you contact him bud, we’ll be right here with you the whole way.” Jean stood and ruffled Reiner’s hair, “now I’m gonna go get another glass of water for you, ‘cause we’re gonna be here a while.”

Jean left to refill Reiner’s glass, and Reiner released Marco. The two on the couch settled down, and Marco offered tissues to clean up the tears and mucus strewn across Reiner’s face. After using too many tissues, his muscles were relaxed, his mind more steady, and his breathing regular. Reiner finally felt at ease. The catharsis of realization opened a new door for him, in which Bertholdt was standing there, waiting for him.

“Here ya go,” Jean placed another glass of water in front of him, “alright, you wanna call or text him?” He resat himself next to Reiner.

“I’ll… I’ll call him, I want to hear his voice,” Reiner dialed the number he so dreaded yet simultaneously craved. 

It ringed. And ringed. And ringed.

“Hello?” It was not Bertholdt’s voice.

“Who is this?” Reiner’s heart skipped a beat.

“Bertholdt’s boyfriend, Zeke. And why are you calling him, Reiner?” He assumed Bertholdt had his name in the phone.

“Where’s Bertholdt? And why do you have his phone?” Reiner became agitated.

“He’s in the bathroom. And you still haven’t answered my question, why are you calling him?”

Zeke sounded perturbed at being questioned.

“Because he’s my best friend and I want to speak with him. Now put him on the phone, now.” Reiner gripped his phone harder, face contorting.

“I will not, not after you threatened him the other day. I won’t allow you to speak with him.”

The phone buzzed, Zeke had hung up.

“What the actual fuck…” Reiner looked at his phone confusedly.

“What happened? Who was on the phone?” Marco leaked worry in his voice, “It was Bertholdt’s new boyfriend, Zeke.” Marco recoiled in surprise, “Zeke?!” The other two boys looked at Marco with eyebrows raised.

“Like, Zeke Jaeger?” Marco restated, “Yeah I think so, why?” Reiner answered. 

“Oh by the Founder…look, my friend Thomas went out with Zeke a few months ago, and he said Zeke was terrible. Like, disgusting. He apparently seeks out new guys on the scene, especially at bars, coerces them into sex, and is generally pretty abusive. He’s done it to a few other of Thomas’ friends as well.” Marco explained as quickly as he could.

Reiner and Jean looked at each other in shock, their eyes wide, “Fuck, should we go over there?” Reiner wanted Bertholdt, he wanted him to be safe.

“We don’t know where he lives though…” Jean pondered, “WAIT! EREN!! Eren must know where Zeke lives! They’re brothers, and Eren has probably been there before!” Jean was ecstatic with his plan. They then dialed Eren’s number, waiting to set their plan in motion.


	11. Sticks and Stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just read and find out ;)

“Eren!” Jean yelled at his phone.

“What the hell do you want you fuckin’ twat?” Eren and Jean seemed to have developed a rivalry while Reiner had been gone.

“Alright so, where does your brother live?” Marco looked at Jean apprehensively, bothered by his forwardness. Reiner sat beside them, contemplating his newfound identity. He crossed his arms, closed his eyes, and lowered his head to think. Bertholdt’s hand in his while they drove to movie theaters, discreet kisses while taking walks, snuggling at night to fall asleep with each other. He smiled gently, content with such an outcome.

“Uh, he lives in the city, why?” Eren’s vagueness irked an impatient Jean. 

“Alright whatever, get ready in five, we’re comin’ to get you and you’re showing us there,” Jean hung up and slammed his phone on the table, “Let’s go save your boyfriend Reiner.” Reiner’s cheeks flushed, “S-shut… fine, maybe… he’s my boy, b-boyfriend- Whatever, let’s just go.” Giggling to himself, Marco led everyone out to the car and placed himself in the passenger seat. The waxing gibbous moon was just coming up into the sky.

It was a short drive to Eren’s own apartment, just down the road. Jean had visited him many times, so he drove without caution. Bumping into the curb a little too hard, only Jean exited the car to rush up into the building.

“So Reiner,” Marco turned back to look directly behind him, “Do you think you’ll publicly date Bertholdt if we manage to get Zeke away from him?” Reiner barely waited a second before responding, “If it means I can be with him for the rest of my life, then yes. I don’t care anymore, I’m done being a little bitch, I just need  **him** .” Reiner’s eyes surged with sincerity, and Marco turned back front, “I’m glad, I really am.” 

Just then, Jean came sprinting down the sidewalk with Eren in tow, tripping over himself. 

“SLOW THE FUCK DOWN JEAN!” Eren yelled, almost ramming into the car once he stopped, “Just get in the car dumbass,” Eren begrudgingly entered and his eyes widened a bit when seeing Reiner, “Oh uh, hey Reiner.”

Reiner nodded back to him, and Jean whipped out of the parking lot, “Alright bitch boy, where to?” Jean smirked and Eren punched him in the shoulder, “Fuck okay, okay. Seriously where am I going though?” Eren lead them through the city, saying that he had visited Zeke a few times with his family. Simultaneously, they filled Eren in what his brother has been doing. 

“Shit man, no wonder he’s never brought anyone home to the family.” Eren’s head hung low.

“Dude, just remember, you’re not your brother. It’s not your fault nor is it your responsibility to watch his behavior.” Jean speech mirrored his driving now, steady and focused.

They soon arrived in Zeke’s parking lot, and Reiner saw Bertholdt’s vehicle. Tension was solid in the air, Reiner’s heart beat audible to his ears. 

They walked inside, Eren leading them to Zeke’s apartment number. Reiner knocked. 

“Who is it?” It was the same voice from when he called Bertholdt. It was Zeke. 

“It’s Reiner, I’m here to see Bertholdt.” He stated both clearly and calmly. 

“He’s not here, he went home earlier.” Zeke did not open the door to speak with them face to face.

“You and I literally spoke like, not even 10 minutes ago. His car is also in the parking lot. Open up Zeke.” Reiner’s fists were clenched, and voice rising. The confrontation at the bar was being recreated.

“Babe, what’s wrong, who’s out there?” It was Bertholdt’s voice. Reiner slammed his hand on the door, “Bertie! It’s me, Reiner!” He cried out desperately.

“R-Reiner? Why are you… here?” Bertholdt opened the door slightly to see him, tears pooled in Reiner’s eyes. 

“Bertholdt please, come out here, we just wanna talk.” Bertholdt looked past him and saw the other three boys, to which they promptly waved at him.

“I mean,” he looked at Zeke, he rolled his eyes at Bertholdt and walked further into the apartment, “alright then…” Bertholdt stepped outside the door and closed it behind him.

“W-what’s up guys?” Bertholdt looked timid, scared even, “Has Zeke done anything to you?” Reiner took Bertholdt’s hands in his, and Bertholdt retracted them just as quickly, “N-no, he hasn’t…” He looked away and at the ground.

“Bert, hey, Bert,” Marco stepped forward and tried to get his attention, “It’s okay if you feel scared, I’m right here.” Marco stood in front of him. He silently shooed away the other boys, and they walked down the hall to wait outside. 

“Bertholdt, we’re worried about you, that’s why we came. Did you know Reiner tried to call you earlier?” Marco tried to catch his eye, “N-no I didn’t…” He nearly met Marco’s gaze.

“Reiner tried to call you to make up with you, he wanted to apologize. But Zeke answered your phone and was really rude to him,” Bertholdt’s lips curled upwards in an attempt to smile, “I’m sure Zeke meant well, hehe…” Bertholdt’s laugh was insecure. 

“Bertholdt, you know what he’s doing, don’t you?” Marco held out his hand, and waited for Bertholdt, “He loves me, and is just trying to keep me safe.” Bertholdt took Marco’s hand shakingly.

“Is he? He’s taken your phone, and not letting you see anyone Bertholdt. This isn’t healthy,” Marco pleaded gently with him.

“No, Zeke is just trying to help me. Reiner was mean to me, and was a waste of my time. He hurt me, and now he just wants to come back when it’s convenient for  **him** !” Bertholdt squeezed Marco’s hand, his voice became more coarse, “I don’t wanna be a toy for anyone anymore! This time  **I** get to choose! All Reiner ever did was drag me along with him, I’m not going through that again!” Bertholdt was not screaming at Marco, though facing the same direction. He was screaming at the past, that which he wanted to forget.

Marco brought his other hand and completely covered Bertholdt’s, stabilizing it, “Bert, of course you’re entitled to your own fate, but a fate with Zeke is not what you want.” Marco took a step closer to Bertholdt, “Make the right choice. Go inside, get your stuff, and we can all walk out together. I’m not saying you have to be with Reiner, or anyone else for that matter, but you have the right to a healthy relationship. And a relationship with Zeke is not that.” Marco hugged Bertholdt, his face in his chest. Bertholdt’s breathing was shallow.

“I- but Zeke l-loves me. He, he just wants what’s best for me, right?” Bertholdt stepped back, “Right, Marco? He did that to me because he loves me?  **Right?!** ” Bertholdt clutched himself and fell to his knees, his wails were heard throughout the building. 

“Shit, that was Bertholdt!” Reiner and the others rushed back inside, meeting Zeke as he too opened his door. 

“Baby!” Zeke leaned down and held Bertholdt, “Baby are you okay?” Zeke wiped the tears from his face, kissing the top of his head, “Baby, what happened?” Bertholdt did not respond, and simply cried harder. 

“What the hell did you say to him you bastard?” His voice enthralled with aggression. 

“I was only trying to help him,” Marco quivered and Jean held him.

“You did this to him Zeke!” Reiner pointed at him, “I did nothing but keep him away from you!” Zeke stood and faced Reiner. Bertholdt stayed on the floor, the screaming lessening.

“What about all the other guys you’ve touched huh? What about them?” Reiner threw his hands in the air, “The hell is that supposed to mean?” Zeke pushed him.

“I’m talkin’ bout all your past boyfriends, the ones you abused and left ‘cause they didn’t take your shit. So you go after Bertie who doesn’t know any better!” Reiner pushed him back even harder.

“Guys, please… stop,” Bertholdt whimpered on the floor, still clutching himself, Marco rubbing his back. Reiner’s tears came down his cheek, and he looked back at Zeke.

His fury flew through his fist directly into Zeke’s jaw, knocking his glasses on the floor. Zeke’s legs barely kept him upright, slamming into the wall next to his door. 

“We’re going in your stupid fucking apartment, we’re taking Bertholdt’s shit, and we’re fucking leaving you psycho.” Reiner kneed him in the stomach, leaving Zeke incapacitated outside, and the door open.

Marco helped Bertholdt stand up, and clear his face. Bertholdt reassessed the situation, looking around for Zeke, “Baby!” He kneeled on the floor next to him, “Baby, are you okay?” He looked back at Reiner, “Why the fuck would you do that?” Reiner’s face relayed despair.

“Bertholdt, he’s hurt you! Why the fuck do you care what happens to him?” Jean interjected.

“Because he doesn’t mess with my feelings, h-he keeps me safe… he loves me…” He trailed off while stroking Zeke’s hair. His shirt came up slightly as he had leaned down, revealing a dark, violent bruise on his lower back.

“Bertholdt… did he, did he hurt you physically in any way?” Marco questioned, “N-no, he hasn’t…” Bertholdt avoided eye contact with the others. 

“Dude, you literally got a bruise right there, we can see it. I know my brother has anger issues, you don’t have to keep it a secret.” Eren nonchalantly stated.

Covering it up quickly he retorted, “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” his lips were quivering, tears developing in his eyes once more. 

“Bertie, it’s obvious he’s hurt you. Stop kidding yourself.” Reiner kneeled on the other side of Zeke, looking at Bertholdt.

“I just wanted someone who would finally keep me steady, someone who would finally be the light in my life.” He wiped the tears from his eyes, “And maybe I was trying to convince myself that Zeke just needed help. And I could have been that help.” Bertholdt stood on his own.

“I… I need some time. Can you guys… bring him inside? I’ll grab my stuff.” The boys nodded and loaded the sleeping Zeke onto his bed, while Bertholdt collected his clothes and belongings. He saw the notification from Reiner on his phone. He sighed deeply, and put it in his pocket, emitting a shudder as he glanced upon the bed.

“You all done Bertie?” Reiner stepped close to him, offering his hands, “I didn’t have much here, just a few clothes and my phone,” he gestured to the items and ignored Reiner’s offering, “but regardless, let’s get going. I… don’t want to be here anymore.” Jean nodded and led all of them to his car. 

Bertholdt sat in front, with the other three squished tightly in the back seats. Dropping Bertholdt off at his home, he thanked everyone, and went inside.

“What should I do now?” Reiner looked at Marco, “Give him some time, he needs it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guysssss, now i mean, it might be obvious if you pay close attention, but this is not where im ending the story. so continue to stay tuned!! and as always, GO DRINK SOME GODDAMN WATER I KNOW YALL ONLY DRINK MONSTER AND COFFEE YOU HEATHENS. and also eat something, like a full meal. do it while you read! make a peanut butter sandwich or smth (or add jelly if ur weird) or make some ramen. i love you guys so much :)


	12. Coffee and Scones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i wanna write a small summary but it's literally right there lmfao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT ISSSS also before i even start, go drink some water RIGHT NOW! I DON'T CARE IF YOU JUST HAD SOME! HAVE SOME MORE! anyway this chapter was ~so fun~ to write, after all that shit before. but that's what makes it feel so nice hehe. anyway i love you guys sooooo much and welcome! to any new readers who are reading this for the first time when i post this chapter! come along for the ride~ (also if you havent checked it out for some reason, there's a really cute one shot thats super short in my works, and if it gets any comments about wanting more, ill continue it hehe)

Reiner woke up with the sun reaching its zenith in the sky. Scratching his eyes, he took a deep breath, and lunged forward to force himself out of bed. Now sitting up, he unplugged and checked his phone,

_“Hey Reiner! Are we still on for lunch?”_ It had only been a few days since Bertholdt was rescued from Zeke, but Reiner still kept in touch with him. As an apology, Reiner wanted to take Bertholdt to lunch at a local café that Bertholdt had desperately wanted to visit before they reunited weeks ago.

_“shit i just woke up lemme get dressed n shit and ill meet u there”_

Reiner threw his phone on the bed and paced quickly to the bathroom. Tearing off his shirt, he met his reflection in the mirror. He smirked and slathered water on his face, rubbing vigorously. The toothbrush was thrust from its holder, and drowned in water and toothpaste inside of Reiner’s mouth. To finish, Reiner wet his hands and ran them through his hair, the bedhead adding to the rugged look. 

Running back to his room, he checked his phone again, 

_“Haha, it’s alright I’ll be waiting there, take your time.”_

Searching through the drawers of his dresser, he slipped on a black t-shirt and struggled to put on a snug pair of jeans. Almost falling backwards onto his bed, he threw on socks and ran with his phone to the entryway. He snatched his keys and wallet and jumped into his winter boots. 

_“hey im omw now ill see you in a bit ;)”_

Smiling down at his phone, he snapped back to reality and flung his head up and grabbed his jacket. Reiner sprinted to his car, and sped to the café. Walking up to the restaurant, he saw Bertholdt through the window, and waved. Bertholdt waved back gently, his eyes imparting a feeling of ease. The sign on the side read ‘Tall & Small Coffee.’

“Hey Bertie~” He sat down across from Bertholdt, “Hey Reiner,” His voice soft, but calm.

“Alright, I haven’t been here yet, so to be honest, I have no idea what there is,” Reiner explained with his hands, “They have tons of coffee, tea, muffins, and stuff like that.” Bertholdt smiled at him.

“Cool, cool. I’m just gonna get a black coffee then,” Reiner looked around, “Is there like, a waiter or something… or?” Just then, Marco walked up to them, “Hey guys, can I get you started with anything?” He held a pen and notepad in his hand.

  
  


“Marco? You work here?” Reiner grabbed the back of his chair as he turned to him, “Uh, yea? I’ve worked here for a couple years,” Marco looked down on Reiner inquisitively, “Anyway, what would you guys like? Drinks? Snacks?” He exchanged glances with both of them.

“Can I get a Thin Mint Mocha and a strawberry scone?” Bertholdt stated politely, “Of course, of course… and you Reiner?” 

“I’ll just have a black coffee with a… whatever that thing that Bertie got was,” his eyebrows furrowed a bit trying to remember the word. 

“Black coffee and another strawberry scone, alrighty. It will be out in a bit!” Marco walked back to the counter and the boys went back to talking.

Reiner rubbed his hands slowly and nervously on the table, contemplating a thought, “So, are you doin’ alright, since uh, everything?” He looked at Bertholdt.

“Y-yeah, I guess so…” Bertholdt peered out the window at the people walking by, “I’ve been trying not to think about it, that maybe if I don’t think about it,” He looked back at Reiner, “It didn’t happen.” His lips formed a melancholy smile. 

The light outside dampened for a second as clouds passed under the sun, but glittery rays still poked through. 

“I don't know how much it means now, after everything I’ve put you through,” Reiner offered his hands on the table, “But I still wanna be here for you Bert. I wasn’t kidding about wanting to be a better person for you.” He tilted his head and smiled. 

Bertholdt looked at his hands, but lifted his head to look at Reiner’s eyes instead, “Thank you, Reiner. It… it really does mean a lot,” he tapped his fingers on table, “I really hope we can connect again like how we were before, I was scared…” his fingers fell flat on the table, “I was scared that maybe, we had grown apart too much.” 

“Heyyy there guys, I got your orders!” Marco set down both drinks, and an ornately decorated plate with two powdered scones resting on top, “If you need anything else, come to the counter!” Marco left to attend to the few other tables.

Retracting his hands and taking a sip of his coffee, Reiner whispered, “I don’t think that’s a bad thing Bertie,” Bertholdt’s face mirrored the confused thoughts drifting about in his head, “W-what do you mean?”

“Even if we’ve grown after not being together, it just means we’ve developed as people. We don’t have to be twins to like each other,” he sipped his coffee once more and set it down, “I can still love you for who you are, however you may change included.”

“I- um… well…” Bertholdt blushed ever so slightly,

_“Since when did he become such a smart flirt?!”_

He picked a scone from the plate, “I hardly think that _love_ is an appropriate ter-”

“I think it is.” Reiner cut him off, “That’s the only way I can describe thinking about you Bertie.” Reiner’s eyes mimicked his genuine disposition.

Bertholdt’s blush turned into a burn, “Since when do you think about things like love hm?” He took a bite of his scone and spoke through the pieces in his mouth, “You’ve never wanted to be tied down like that.” Bertholdt’s subconscious wanted to convince him that it wasn’t possible.

The clouds passed, and the sun was now shining in its full glory, “I’ve never really loved someone that’s my best friend,” he smirked and took a bite of his own scone.

“And just another question, where did all these feelings come from?” his voice hinted at agitation, “I thought I was a dirty f-” 

“I’m sorry about that,” Reiner looked down at his coffee, the light creating a reflection of him in it, “I was struggling a lot with how I was feeling, and I had no idea how to process it,” raising his head, “I mean, imagine being me. All-star, popular football jock who’s slept with more girls than he can remember, starts getting feelings for and kisses a dude.” Reiner let out a loud, hearty laugh.

“I was pretty distraught with myself to say the least. My whole identity was being flipped on its head,” he stated, munching down half the scone in one bite, “I’m still trying to come to terms with it, hopefully with less crying this time.”

“So, a-are you… gay, now?” Bertholdt struggled out while sipping his drink.

“Eh, I don’t really know. I still like girls,” he closed his eyes, trying to remember, “I think Jean called it bisexual or something? Even then it’s not like I like every guy, just you.” Reiner gave him another big smile.

“S-so, you like me… like… in a gay w-way?” Bertholdt looked outside again to avoid eye contact, “I most definitely do Bertie.” Bertholdt felt Reiner’s stare on his face.

“Got it…” He breathed in deeply, and let all the air in his lungs escape in one go.

“So can I ask you a question, Bertie?”

“What?” Bertholdt’s voice quivered slightly.

“Will you be my boyfriend?” Reiner’s blush dusted his cheeks.

“To be honest, no.” 

Bertholdt looked down at his own coffee, “I _really_ don’t wanna be in another relationship right now. But I really appreciate the sentiment,” Bertholdt returned a big smile to Reiner, “I like you a lot too, but after the fuckfest of the past month, would you mind if we just hung out and did stuff like this,” he gestured to the restaurant with his hand, “I’m not saying I don’t wanna date you. I just need more time on my own.”

“Bertie of course! Anything you need or want, I’m right here for you,” Reiner’s flirty blush morphed into a romantic one.

“Thank you, Reiner. I’m genuinely glad we can… do this. You don’t know all the years my heart pined for you,” Bertholdt’s finger traced the outside of his mug, “Well, you’re pretty patient. But I guess you could say it’s paid off, ‘cause I wanna be yours now. And only yours.” Reiner shoved the other half of the scone in his mouth, and helped it down with some coffee.

“You’re really cute Bertie.”

“You are too, Reiner.”


	13. A Little Too Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a little smut hehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIII GUYSSSS yea this chapter is a tad longer than the rest, but i couldn't find a good spot to split it soooo here u go :) anyway as always, go drink some water~ and enjoy! (this chapter does have some smut in it just sayin hehe)

“Well, I’ll see you sometime soon, right?” Reiner and Bertholdt were going their separate ways after their meet-up, “Yeah, of course dummy,” Bertholdt flirted a bit. Reiner walked to his car, as Bertholdt walked to his. 

Bertholdt drove to his home, his body complacent with the motions of walking as his mind was concerned with other matters. 

_“I guess I could give them a call, it would be good after everything I’ve been through.”_

Once sitting down on his couch, he checked carefully multiple times between his computer and his phone to verify the correct numbers. It ringed momentarily before someone picked up,

“This is Titanic Self-Defense, Annie speaking, how can I help you?” Bertholdt pulled the phone away from his face, pondering the voice.

“Annie?? Annie Leonhart, is that you?!” Bertholdt shouted into the phone.

“Uh, yeah? Who are you and why do you know me?” Her apathy was clear in her voice.

“It’s Bertholdt! Remember? Man, who knew you’d be teaching something, after all that time skipping cla-”

“Yeah, well I’m not exactly explaining algebra am I? I kick people for a living. Now what do you want, before I hang up?” She had cut him off, and was becoming irritated at memories of school days. 

“O-oh sorry, I just wanted to sign up for your self-defense classes actually,” Bertholdt explained.

“Yeah I got you Bertie, any kind of schedule that fits you best?” Her tone lightened slightly.

“Anytime in the evenings on weekdays, and really any time on the weekends.” He had grown a smile, thinking about his other childhood friend.

“Sure, sure. I can actually fit you in later today if you want, just me and you,” Annie enjoyed only some peoples’ presences, Bertholdt being one of them.

“Yeah of course! I’ll see you then,” He hung up the phone and walked to his closet.

Searching through sweaters and dress pants, he found a lightweight, gray sweatshirt. In his dresser drawers, he found a similarly matching pair of gray sweatpants. Donning them both, the softness and plushness of each piece of clothing let him truly relax back on the couch. 

\---------------------------------------------

Bertholdt had spent the remainder of his free time that day scrolling through his phone and watching television until evening came. When the sun was on the horizon, its majesty sinking below the skyline, Bertholdt tied his sneakers loosely on his feet and walked to his car. 

After annoying many drivers, Bertholdt’s slow pace on the road reaped its benefits as he found the parking lot for Titanic Self-Defense. He walked up to the door and looked inside through the glass; there was a counter just to the left, and a large area that was layered with mats, as well as training dummies hiding in the corner.

He entered the building, and immediately recognized Annie’s face at the counter, no one else was present.

“Annie! Hey!” Bertholdt jogged up to the counter, his face brimming with excitement to see his old friend, “Hey Bertie~” Annie replied nonchalantly. A relaxed, yet confident smile was painted on her lips.

“So, any specific reason why you wanna train with me?” She led Bertholdt to the training area, “Not particularly, I’ve just had a few run-ins with some not-so-friendly guys,” Bertholdt stated while admiring the mirrors hung on the back wall.

“Run-ins? Bertie, how did you of all people get on someone’s bad side?” Annie’s eyebrow raised slightly, a smirk growing.

“Nah it wasn’t like that, more like some dude who didn’t know how to respond to rejection,” Bertholdt shrugged.

“Do let me know his name, I’ll kick anyone’s teeth in if they lay a hand on you,” Annie demonstrated a powerful, precise kick in the air around head height, “You’re special to me Bertie.” She returned to a standing position.

“W-well, Reiner already took care of that…” Bertholdt laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck, “Rather it was with a punch than a kick.”

“Good, that wuss finally stood up for you then,” Annie stretched her arms together towards the ceiling, rolling onto the balls of her feet, “What do you mean ‘finally’?” Bertholdt questioned while Annie led him over to a punching bag.

“I _mean,_ he finally came out, didn’t he? I get that you guys were inseparable in highschool, but he probably wouldn’t punch someone if it meant you weren’t in immediate danger.”

“I- Has anyone told you what we’ve been up to? I swore I haven’t said anything to you yet…” Bertholdt stepped back a bit, confused at Annie’s seeming omniscience. 

“Nah, but I always knew Reiner had a thing for you, it was ridiculously obvious. So when I heard you say that he punched someone for you, I just put two and two together that y’all are probably together now.” She gave the bag a few test punches with lethal force.

“W-well, we’re not _officially_ together yet, we’re ju-”

“Yeah yeah, call it whatever you want. Just hit the bag and show me what ya got.” Annie waved her hand around dismissively in the air.

Bertholdt readied a stance, and thrusted a punch into the bag, damaging his knuckle lightly and only moving the target slightly. 

“Yeaaaah, we have a lot of work to do. But don’t worry, almost all my clients are like this. I mean that’s literally why you’re taking a class,” She laughed and showed Bertholdt proper punching technique and stances. Their introduction class only lasted for another half hour or so, before Annie sent Bertholdt home to practice what he learned.

After Bertholdt left, Annie turned the lights off in the building, locked it up, and went to her own home. As she opened the door to the building, Reiner was strutting down the hall.

“Yo Annie,” Reiner waved, “Hey there gay boy,” her eyes alluding to contentment. 

“I- what the hell’s that supposed to mean?” Reiner flustered himself with thoughts of Bertholdt.

“It _means_ you finally admitted your feelings to Bertie?” Annie crossed her arms in question, “Y-yeah… something like that,” Reiner’s eyebrows wrinkled as he maintained a staunch expression, “He’s just good partner material. I can’t let anyone else have him.” His facade of confidence was broken in an instant with Annie's retort. 

“Mhm, is that why you used to sleep talk about him?” She mocked him with fake moaning sounds, “‘Oh~ Bertie! Please, not so fast~’” Annie laughed hysterically, bringing her hand to her mouth.

“SHUT THE HELL UP! THAT DID NOT HAPPEN!” Reiner screamed at her, “Whatever, I’m goin’ to Jean’s, I’ll catch ya later, lady killer,” he passed by her with a low grumbling from his throat. A cold breeze brushed past him as he opened the door. 

“Hey! Not fair! Mikasa and I only kissed, like, four times!” Annie yelled back through a now barely open door. 

_“hey bro im omw”_

_“Aight, eren, marco, and i are just chillin”_

Reiner tapped out the final text as he pulled out of his parking lot, the snow drifting down in large, fluffy flakes. Each one’s intricacy erased as soon as it slammed into Reiner’s windshield. It did not disturb his driving, for his concentration was on the alcohol that awaited him at Jean’s house. 

“Ayyy! What’s up guys,” Reiner entered with a large yell, “Hey there newlywed,” Jean teased from the couch, Marco in his arms. There were several packs of beer on the table in front of them, a few empty ones already near each boy. Reiner grabbed one himself and opened it,

“Give it a few more years and we’ll see,” Reiner smirked and sat down next to Eren. 

“Sure, sure,” Jean released himself from Marco and sat forwards, “wanna play a game?” Deviousness leaked from his voice. 

“I’m down,” Eren clenched his fist, “I’m bored as hell and would love to see y’all’s losing faces,” he laughed to himself.

“Yeah, I’ll play, what did you have in mind?” Reiner looked between Marco and Jean and swigged about half of his beer, “Jean wants to play, truth or dare… with a twist.” Marco spoke before Jean could make a production of it. 

“Hey! I wanted to say it!” Jean pouted at Marco, and Marco kissed him on the cheek, “Anyway, if you don’t want to perform the truth or dare you were given, you have to take a shot of vodka or rum that Jean has in the freezer,” Marco explained.

“That doesn’t seem that bad,” Reiner put his other hand on his knee, “alright, so who goes first?” He looked around at the other boys.

“I will hehe,” Jean’s snicker filled the room with tension, “Reiner, truth or dare?” 

“Dare, obviously.”

“I dare you, to take off your shirt,” He crossed his arms in slightly drunken pride.

“Alright fag,” Reiner spoke with no malintent, “just say you wanna see my body.” Reiner ripped off his shirt, and Marco became quietly flustered. Reiner revealed to them a hard upper chest and arms of muscle, and farther down, lightly defined abs with a thin layer of fat rounding out his thicker physique. A small amount of fuzz became more full as it traveled down his torso, becoming indiscernible as it disappeared under his waistline. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Jean paused for a moment, his eyes becoming stuck on Reiner’s biceps, “Anyway, it’s your turn now.”

“Alrighty, Marco. Truth or dare?” Reiner gave a gentle smile to him, “T-truth please,” Marco whispered. 

“Is it true that Jean’s good at giving head?” Reiner chugged the other half of his beer, and opened another, sipping it.

“I- I- I- um, w-well…” he covered his mouth and looked towards the ground, away from Reiner, “Hey!” Jean’s face twisted in anger, “That’s a bit personal!”

“I took off my shirt for you,” Reiner reached his arms behind his head and rested them there, fully exposing his upper body, “I think that’s the least he can do.”

“W-well, whatever,” Jean turned his attention to his boyfriend, “I do, don’t I?” His eyes pleaded.

“Yes… he does…” Marco squeaked out.

“Good, I’m glad you’re in good hands,” Reiner giggled to himself as he sat forward and chugged his second beer, letting out a small belch at the carbonation, “Marcooo, it’s your turn now.”

“Yeah…um, Eren, truth or dare?” Marco stated politely. 

“Dare me!” He stood up in excitement, “Alright,” a devilish smirk developed on Marco’s lips as a thought came to fruition, “strip down to your underwear, and go roll around in the snow.” Everyone gasped at Marco’s request.

“HELL THE FUCK NO! Jean I’m getting the vodka,” Eren went to the freezer, and retrieved it, “Here goes nothing,” Eren took a couple gulps of vodka from the bottle and set it down, “Fuuuck, I better not skip any more…” He seemed queasy as he sat down.

“That’s what you get little bitch,” Jean giggled, “alright Eren, now you gotta ask me.” 

“T-truth, or dareeee?” His movements were slow, and his speech was forced, “Dare.”

“I dare youuu, to take your pants off hehe,” Eren brushed his hair out of his face, “show us what Marco’s gettin’ every night.” He laughed uncontrollably in his seat.

“You know what?” He looked at Reiner, “Fine!” Jean stripped off the black sweatpants he was wearing, only leaving a snug, blue pair of boxer briefs. A bulge was clearly visible. 

“Nice package,” Reiner smirked and cleared his third beer, and prepared to open a fourth, “Shut up Braun, it’s nothing you haven’t seen already,” Jean huffed as he found his seat. 

“Yeah, you’re right I suppose,” Reiner gulped some of his drink, “Your turn again Jean.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Reiner smirked at Jean, contradicting his ideas that were in motion inside of his head, “Ugh seriously? That’s so boring,” Jean threw his hand towards Reiner, “Fine, uhhh, has Bertholdt sat on your dick yet?” Jean’s bulge filled out his underwear more.

Eren was almost passed out on the chair next to Reiner, “No, he hasn’t actually,” he leaned back in the chair again, beer in hand, “but I bet _you_ wanna?” Reiner sneered as he took another swig.

“Like the fuck I do,” His bulge continued to grow, “Sure… why don’t you look down then?” Reiner referenced with his eyes. 

“Shut the fuck up! Marco was… Marco was teasing me!” Jean stood to defend himself, making it more visible.

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself,” Reiner finished his fourth beer, “I need to take a piss, be back in a bit,” He went to the bathroom, leaving Jean and Marco flustered together on the couch, and Eren sleeping peacefully.

After locking the door, Reiner lifted the toilet seat and emptied his bladder into the toilet. As he was looking down, he thought of Jean’s comment, and Bertholdt’s body. He finished urinating and flushed the toilet, but could not rid his mind of him. Reiner's legs moved for him, leading him to the sink to splash water on his face.

_“Damn Bertie, since when do you make me feel like_ **_that_ ** _?...”_

When he came back to the living room, Jean and Marco’s faces were stitched together, kissing passionately, with Marco rubbing the growth in Jean’s underwear.

“So what are we up to?” Reiner surprised them both and they separated quickly, “N-n-nothing, uh, nothing. We’re uh, just about to go to bed actually,” Jean adjusted his shirt and underwear, “Feel free to crash here, I don’t want you to drive after you’ve drank.” 

“Yeah that’s chill, thanks,” Reiner lied down on the couch as the other two headed towards Jean’s bedroom, “Goodnight~” Reiner waved to them, “Goodnight hehe,” Marco giggled. 

After turning off the overhead light, the ambient light from street lamps outside refilled the room, and offered a dim comfort. Reiner looked over, and Eren’s head was faced toward the ceiling, breathing mildly. He lifted himself from the couch and covered Eren’s body with a throw blanket, and after pondering for a moment, covered Eren’s face with it as well. 

Reiner lied back down on the couch with his own blanket, his pants becoming increasingly more tight. Listening into the dark for any noise, all that was heard was Eren’s breathing. His heart beating faster, he silently unbuttoned his jeans, and slid them along with his boxers below his knees. 

He jerked and rubbed his length, letting out barely audible moans. His mind went to Bertholdt in a jockstrap, bending over in the locker room. His full, round ass exposed, just for Reiner. His head leaned back in pleasure, his hips bucking slightly. Precum emerged from his dick, and he used it as lubrication to increase the intensity. Reiner’s other hand reached for his balls, playing with and rubbing them, imagining Bertholdt’s tongue sneaking around. He thought of Bertholdt on his knees, begging for Reiner to take him as Reiner’s dick covered Bertholdt's entire face. 

_“You’re such a little slut Bertie.”_ Reiner mused to himself with his eyes closed.

He rubbed the head of his cock harder, “F-fuck,” Reiner moaned out loud. He increased the pace, his legs and body tensing up, and released all of his cum onto his face and stomach. Only stopping after several seconds, his dick calmed with the rest of his body, and he fully relaxed into the couch. 

Reiner wiped some of his cum off of his face and put it in his mouth,

_“I wish Bertie was here to help me clean up.”_

Pouting, he quietly rose from the couch to slink his way into the bathroom. Reiner used toilet paper to clean his chest, and rinsed his face once more in the sink. Now satisfied, he fell onto the couch face down, passing out almost instantly.

_“I love you Bertieee~”_

He thought as he drifted off to sleep.


	14. A Bit Snowy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JUST READ IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> h-hi guys .3. sooo i'm not dead, believe it or not. but i did write this chapter finally :3 as always i'm not too confident with it, but i hope you guys like it qqqqqq thank you to all of you who wait so patiently for these chapters, you are the lights of my life, and i love you so much. now grab some water and READ!!

Less than a week went by as Bertholdt continued his classes with Annie privately in the evenings during the week. Reiner spent his time thinking of and texting Bertholdt, as well as focusing on his work and forging a new relationship with Jean built on solidarity for each other.

“Harder!” Annie screamed at him.

Bertholdt’s kick sent the punching bag about a meter away from him, and a smile and laugh erupted from his face. The night outside grew colder as the snow continued to fall. 

“Woo! Damn that felt good,” Bertholdt jumped in excitement, the mats softening his landing, “You’re doing amazing Bertie, that was really well placed,” Annie felt the area where Bertholdt had landed the kick.

“I mean I’m learning from the best,” his arms raised in a shrug, “I feel more powerful already!” He stated while performing a few shadow punches. 

“Well, you know how to kick people that’s for sure, but you need to know how to actually defend yourself in an emergency,” Annie practiced another kick on the punching bag. 

She held Bertholdt in several different positions, standing and laying down, and taught him the correct procedures to ungrapple himself. After successfully performing all of them at least once, Bertholdt shot a fist in the air, “Annie you got to admit, I’m pretty good at this,” he was beaming.

“You really are, I’m proud of you Bertie,” she embraced him tightly, “I just hope this is enough to protect you,” her voice dropped in volume. 

“Annie c’mon, the world isn’t that dangerous,” Bertholdt rubbed her shoulder, barely feeling the fabric upon his skin. 

“After you said you had ‘run-ins’ with some guys, I got really scared,” she crushed his chest even harder, “scared that someone was gonna whisk you away with sweet words, never to be seen again,” she stood back and raised her head, “I know how gullible and easily excited you are, stupid.”

“Yeah well, I almost did,” Bertholdt looked upon his reflection in one of the mirrors, “I almost lost myself, Annie,” he walked closer to the mirror and reached out, “but Reiner thrust me back into reality with his own stubbornness.” 

“That brute is good for some things,” she placed herself next to him, admiring the height difference, “he’s good for you Bertie. I think he stabilizes you, and gives you the confidence you lack.”

“H-Hey I don’t lack confidence!” He pouted at her.

“Someone who’s already confident wouldn’t try to assert that they are~” She patted him on the back, “but anyway, I just want my lil’ Bertie to be safe, even if that means entrusting you to Reiner sometimes.”

“I think I can handle myself comfortably,” Bertholdt flexed his biceps, barely exerting any muscle, “Hm, alright,” Annie then grabbed his arm, twirled him around, and tackled him to the floor, his body acutely pinned to the mat. 

“O-okay okay! Please let go ahhhh,” Annie rolled off of him, “but I still think you should keep coming so we can practice those new moves of yours,” she sat cross-legged, head resting smugly on her hand. 

“Yeah I got it, I got it,” he stretched his arms while flat on the mat, “but I think I’m gonna get goin’ so I can make some dinner and get to bed,” snow was accumulating in front of the door. 

“Alrighty then,” she leaned back on her hands, “That reminds me, you got any plans for your birthday?” The winter solstice was fast approaching, as was Bertholdt’s birthday just days after. 

“I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been so busy that I forgot,” Bertholdt haphazardly stood up, “but no, I don’t really have any plans.”

“Why don’t you and Reiner come over? We can get a cake and make it a whole night thing,” She reached out her hand, and Bertholdt helped lift her, “Not to be weird, but wouldn’t you be kinda third-wheeling with Reiner and I?” 

“I’ve uh, actually been talking to someone,” Annie turned her head away slightly and crossed her arms, “his name’s Armin.”

“Armin Arlert?! He’s a nurse at the office I work at!” Bertholdt’s face illuminated with joy, “how did you guys meet?” Annie’s foot created a dull thumping noise on the mats, her anxiety rising.

“W-we met at Garrison Bar a while ago, he was there with his friend Historia. He was probably the first guy I’ve ever met that wasn’t intimidated by me,” she closed her eyes, reimagining the scene, “He complimented my jacket, and I was taken aback. So I kept talking to him, and we’ve been texting about every day since.”

“Sounds like Armin, he’s only intimidated by small bugs and paperwork,” Bertholdt covered his mouth to laugh, “Sooo if you want to invite him, feel free,” Bertholdt turned and headed towards the door.

“I will, stupid,” Annie increased her pace to meet him at the door, “drive home safe alright?”

“Of course I will, it’s just a little snowy,” he pushed the door open, the snowflakes sneaking their way inside, “I’ll see you at the next session~”

Bertholdt carefully stepped through the snow, ice lurking just beneath. As he fell into his car, his phone rang.

“Heyyy Bertie~” Reiner sang into the phone.

“Hi Reiner, hehe,” Bertholdt laughed childly, “What are you up to?”

“Nothin’ much, I’m just hanging at my place, trying to recover from a hangover from last night, and I just can’t stop thinking about you,” A small thud was heard as Reiner fell back onto the couch, “You’re all I ever think about anymore Bertie.”

“S-shut up dummy,” Bertholdt turned the ignition in his car and pulled out of the parking lot, “You can have a life without me.”

“But why would I want to, now that you’re all mine?”

“I’m not yours _yet_ , remember our conversation from the other day?” Bertholdt reminded him in a gentle yet stern tone.

“Ughhh okaaay, but I’m still saving myself for you,” Reiner groaned loudly, “wanna come over and we can watch a movie?” 

“Eh, I don’t know Reiner, I got work in the morning-”

“I’ll drive you, and uh, I’ll set an alarm and everything,” he spoke almost too quickly, “Oh! And I’ll make you breakfast!”

“Okay okaaay, I’ll come over,” Bertholdt changed his blinker to turn down a different street, “but you better not _try_ anything,” Bertholdt hinted at the lust in Reiner’s voice.

“I promise I won’t! I just really miss you already,” Reiner whispered. 

“Alrighty, I’ll be pulling in really soon, come to the door and I’ll be there in a sec.” Bertholdt hung up the phone, and his mind wandered.

_"That dumbass, I wish I could call him mine too..."_

_"I just don't know when I'm going to be ready again, if ever."_

_"How would he even react if I told him what had happened...?"_

As he came to a stop and swung his legs out of the car, Bertholdt almost slid when putting his full weight on the ground, barely catching himself. 

“Bertie!” Reiner shouted from the door of his building, only in shorts and a tight sweatshirt, “R-Reiner! Get back inside before you catch a cold!” Bertholdt struggled to pace quickly through the creeping snow, and tip-toed up the steps.

Slipping again and falling forward, Reiner caught him in his chest, his arms holding Bertholdt securely in place. Bertholdt breathed in for a second and had a thought,

_“He smells… really good…”_

After registering what occurred, Bertholdt adjusted himself back to standing.

“A-anyway, what movie did you have in mind?” walking past Reiner and into the building, “Let’s look on Netflix together, there’s a few I wanted to show you,” Reiner ran ahead of him to unlock the door, happiness expelled from his footsteps.


	15. Snuggling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reiner tries to be nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIII GUYSSSS after finally stabilizing my emotions i'm back on schedule for updating :D again, thank you all for waiting so patiently for the chapters, it means a lot. i love you all SO MUCH mwah mwah mwah. go get some water and a snack and read awayyyy

“You know, I still don’t think I’ve been in your apartment since we’ve been back together,” Bertholdt stated while taking off his shoes and coat. He stretched towards the ceiling while letting out a low yawn. 

“Yeah, well I haven’t been to yours either,” Reiner glared at him jokingly, “but welcome to my place,” Reiner opened his arms wide, encompassing the living room. 

“It’s cute,” the layout was simple and ergonomic, like Reiner. No decorations were put out, except coasters that portrayed snowmen. All the furniture was earth-toned, varying shades of beige and brown. 

“Why thank you,” Reiner sprawled out on the couch and patted the spot next to him, “Come take a seat, relax a little.”

Bertholdt obliged and walked to the couch, the carpet flat and shaggy. Sitting just out of reach of Reiner’s arms, Reiner pouted only for a second before tapping buttons on the remote. 

‘Netflix’ in large red letters flashed onto screen, and Reiner turned to Bertholdt, “So, you uh, been watching anything recently?” He moved his legs centimeters closer to Bertholdt. 

“Not anything specifically, nothing’s really caught my attention,” Bertholdt in reply, scooched slightly away from Reiner’s advances, “Gotcha…” Reiner continuously tapped the remote to scroll through different shows. 

“Oh, how about a horror movie? You still scared of the witch in the woods?” Reiner nudged Bertholdt’s arm with his elbow, Bertholdt’s body tensing slightly, “N-no, I sleep with the lights off now, thank you very much.”

“Mmm, so you wouldn’t care if we watched The Witch then?” Reiner did not break his stare towards Bertholdt as he clicked the title and smirked, “I would not actually,” Bertholdt feigned regality and composure, “We should watch it, it seems interesting.”

“Alright, I’ll go make some popcorn, you turn the lights off,” Reiner hopped up from the couch and took large strides to the kitchen, the sounds of plastic being torn heard from around the corner. Bertholdt stood and turned off the two lamps that were positioned on both sides of the couch with satisfying clicks. The light disappearing from the room ushered a faint glow from the window. The snow on the windowsill piled happily. 

As the popping ceased in the kitchen, Reiner returned with a large bowl containing steaming, golden popcorn, “You ready?” Reiner clumsily scooped it with his right hand to his mouth, while his left readied the television, “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Bertholdt only grabbed a few kernels of popcorn.

As the movie played out, Bertholdt’s face felt exorbitantly affected by gravity, his eyelids drooping. The characters were speaking a difficult to understand English, and the only intimidating moments came from sound effects or poor jump scares. 

_“This movie isn’t even that scary, just weird.”_

His eyes shifted from the screen to Reiner, Bertholdt’s face not moving. Reiner was paying attention to every scene, even leaning forward onto his knees. A miniscule pile of kernels and kernel shells were collecting at his feet from his unattentiveness to the width of his mouth. Bertholdt grabbed a few small handfuls of popcorn to eat before Reiner devoured the entire bowl. 

The movie was progressing in a strange direction, Bertholdt’s head tilting to the side contemplating the symbolism and references. As he threw a few more kernels into his mouth, his hand scraped the seeds at the bottom of the bowl.

“Hey, Reiner?” Bertholdt moved his head to make eye contact, “could you get me some water? These were really salty.”

Reiner nodded, “Of course Bertie, I’ll be right back.” Lightly jogging back to the kitchen and filling two glasses of water, he came back promptly and handed one to Bertholdt. Bertholdt took in three large gulps before putting the glass down on a snowman. Its complexion was distorted through the liquid. 

“Ah, thank you,” Bertholdt let out a small sigh, “Anytime, you ready to start again?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Both boys returned their attention to the television, one more than the other. With more potency than previously, Bertholdt eyes drooped again. He rested his eyes for a few seconds at first, still attempting to catch dialogue between characters. Then the seconds became longer, eventually turning into minutes. 

_*****************************_

_Bertieee~ Wake up!_

_H-huh? What’s going on?_

_You fell over onto my lap asleep while telling me about the story you were reading._

_Woah I’m sorry um-_

_It’s okay Bertie. You were so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you._

_T-thank you Reiner, I got really scared last night.._

_What happened Bertie?_

_Grandpa and I watched a scary movie, and I could barely sleep._

_Awh, that’s okay, you got a little nap in just now!_

_Yeah, I feel a little better._

_Great! Now why don’t you read me that story again, it was so funny!_

_Sure! Once upon a time…_

_*****************************_

Bertholdt’s eyes thrust open as a cacophonous, metallic sound was emitted from the television. 

_“Oh, it was just the movie…”_

His eyebrows furrowed marginally, the television was sideways from his point of view. A gentle warmth was also comforting his shoulder and head. Using the light from the movie, Bertholdt made out a leg beneath him.

_“You’re really cute you know.”_

_“Not as handsome as you baby boy.”_

Bertholdt hurled himself from lying down to the opposite side of the couch, his heartbeat increasing drastically and breathing labored. He clutched the fabric of the couch and looked down at himself, moving his hand from the couch, to his chest, to his legs, then his face. His breathing continued to shorten in length and increase in pace. 

_“What the fuck?”_

_“Was he actually just there?”_

_“Why would Zeke be here?”_

Reiner’s eyes widened, and he moved to pause the movie and illuminate the closest lamp.

“Bertie, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Reiner scooched along the couch, closer to him.

“I- um… I’m f-fine,” Bertholdt stated through awkward breaths, “I just need some more water,” he grabbed his glass and forced it down his throat. He breathed more deeply by force, drawing in air and removing it with more control.

Reiner slowly reached a hand out, “Are you sure you’re doing alright?” Bertholdt tucked his hands away between his legs and looked down at his lap, “I’m alright, Reiner.”

“I- I think I’m gonna head home, it’s already really late and I should have just went home in the first place,” Bertholdt’s voice strained and his hands were shaking.

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive? You don’t seem too good Ber-”

“I’m okay. Reiner.” Bertholdt’s tone stiffened and grew irritated. The gentle glow of the lamp guided him to the entryway to don his coat and boots. 

“Um, if you are leaving, just text me when you make it home, okay?” Reiner rubbed his arm and tightened his lips. 

“Yeah, I will, I’ll see you later,” as Bertholdt was shutting the door, Reiner replied, “Later.”

The door closed, and Reiner stood stoic, numb.

_“W-what did I do?”_

_“Was it my fault?”_

Bertholdt followed his footsteps back to his car and entered, the sky still powdering the earth with fluffy white specks. Tears developing in his eyes, his mind crumbled like static.

“Why can’t I just get over this?” Bertholdt spoke to the windshield, “I finally have what I always wanted but I’m still too weak.”

“And that shithead still haunts me,” Bertholdt rubbed his temples as memories of Zeke flooded his brain.


	16. The Solstice's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uwu? you want summary uwu? no summary fo u >:3c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOOO WHATS UP YALL back at it again with another gay ass installment of Masking, not gonna lie ive been listening to a ton of fire emblem three houses ost and started playing it again. fun fact i used to write m!byleth x claude on this account but i didn't like it so i deleted it hehe. lmk if yall wanna see that content again uwu im also thinking of doing commision one-shots?? those look so fun to do and it would be a great way to vent my gayness LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS IF YALL WANT ITTTT

Crunchy footsteps filled the sidewalk and slush splashed from the street. It was the day before the winter solstice, and Reiner got out of his car to find Kenny. Just as his foot made contact with the ground, his phone vibrated wildly in his pocket.

“Hey Annie, what’s up?” Reiner didn’t think he had given her his number. 

“Hey dumbass, Bertholdt gave me your number so I could call you,” her voice was monotonous, “His birthday is coming up, remember?”

“Oh shit you’re right,” Reiner looked into a store he had parked next to, keeping his eyes busy, “That why you’re calling?”

“No, I became the Queen of Candyland,” she rose in volume, “Of course that’s why I’m calling! I told him he could come to my place, with _you_ as well and we could all throw him a small party.”

“Yeah that sounds great,” Reiner’s brain thought of finally holding his hand, “Really great. Is there anything you want me to do?”

“Could you get his cake?”

“Yeah of course, it’s on the thirtieth right?” Reiner asked.

“You got it, and hey,” Annie paused, “Thanks for helping Bert get more into himself, he’s really changed since we were kids,” She spoke with sympathy.

“Y-yeah, no problem. He’s my friend too,” Reiner’s blush contrasted the snow all around, “Anyway I’ll catch you later, I got work.”

“Later,” Annie hung up the phone, and Reiner spotted Kenny.

“Braun! How are ya bud?” Kenny waved him down, as he prepared a snowflake shaped light, “I’m good Kenny, excited for the solstice,” Reiner walked over to him, the sky gray but snowless. The construction company that Kenny ran put the building on hold for the winter, and instead they helped the city put up lights and aided in snow removal. 

Jean and Connie descended from a large, portable step ladder to move on to the next lamppost, “Reiner! Yooo!” Connie almost slipped while not paying attention to his footing, “F-FUCK!” 

“Reiner, go help those useless idiots, I got this one,” Kenny ascended his own ladder and Reiner left to meet Jean, “Hey bud, need any help?” Jean’s legs buckled attempting to lift it on his own. 

“Yeah actually, Connie’s noodle arms can’t pick up shit and I’ve had to lug this around myself,” Jean eyes pierced Connie’s, “H-hey man, sorry I’m not Mr. Bodybuilder over here,” he referenced Reiner. 

“Whatever dumbass, just stand back while Reiner and I move this,” they both picked up the ladder and transported it a few meters to the next post, the snow daring them to misstep. 

The clouds parted, letting a sliver of sunlight through to glisten upon the icicles hanging off of store awnings, “Got any plans for the solstice?” Reiner asked while setting down the ladder, “Eh not really, Marco wanted to make cookies with me and watch movies,” Jean shrugged. 

Reiner’s face lit up, “Hey, I’ll ask him next time I see him, but you wanna come celebrate Bert’s birthday with Annie and I?” Reiner took the decoration up the ladder, “I think he likes you guys.”

“Yeah sure, I’ll ask Marco,” Jean handed him some large batteries, “He’ll prolly make tons of extra cookies tomorrow, so Bert can have some special snacks for his special day.”

“I’m sure Bertie would love that,” Reiner laughed while securing the decoration in place, “Hey wait, where’s Eren at?”

“He called in and said he’s at some family thing in Paradis City,” Jean looked at a store sign, “I still wonder what Eren thinks of his brother after that night,” Jean sighed deeply.

“Well he hasn’t said anything to us about it, so it’s probably not that serious,” Reiner descended and helped Jean carry the ladder to the next post, “Yeah, but I mean imagine your sibling you grew up with suddenly revealed as an abusive asshole,” Jean ascended with the decoration this time.

“And he literally saw it happen in real time, he helped me carry Zeke in,” Jean struggled a bit to secure the decoration, “He’s not gonna cut off his brother for that most likely,” Reiner handed him the batteries, “they’ll probably just have a talk about it.”

“I sure hope so, maybe Eren can convince him to stop being such a fuckwad,” Jean descended and with Reiner’s help, spent the next few hours putting more lights around the city. Once snow began falling, Kenny asked them to take a break in hopes of the snow relenting. 

The plaza that contained Tall & Small Coffee was close, and Jean wanted to see Marco, thus they decided to head there for their lunch break. 

“You know why they call it Tall & Small Coffee?” Jean asked, walking alongside Reiner into the café, “Why?” Gentle, quiet classical music reverberated throughout the building. 

Jean pointed to two men behind the counter, one was cleaning the glass that displayed their pastries, and the other managed the register, “Those are the owners, notice anything?”

The one at the register had short, gelled blond hair, and was significantly taller than the man cleaning the glass, who had a black undercut, “Marco said their names are Erwin and Levi, they’re married and opened this shop together.” 

Reiner didn’t take notice of them when he and Bertholdt had come there for their semi-date, “Their height difference is a bit…” Reiner brought his hand to his chin questioningly, “stark.”

“Yeah haha, anyway let’s go sit at my favorite table,” Jean led Reiner to a booth across from the register, “Marco comes right out of the kitchen there,” he pointed to the short hallway parallel to the register that held a door at the end, “and I like to surprise him when he comes out.”

After waiting a few minutes, the door opened and Marco trailed down the hallway.

“BOO!” Jean bolted up and raised his arms, “AH! Jean!” He lightly punched his boyfriend, “I told you to stop that while I’m working!” His freckles misaligned while he sulked, “Oi, Jean,” Levi had turned around, “If you scare Marco again during his shifts I’ll make you clean the entire dining floor with no pay,” Levi’s stare froze him.

“Y-yes sir, I’m sorry,” Jean resat himself and Marco recovered, “Anywaaay, I’m assuming you want the usual baby?” Marco readied his pen, “Of course, I only like the drinks when you make them~” Jean gazed upwards, his head resting in his hands.

“Haha, doofus,” Marco shook his head, “and what can I get you Reiner?”

“I’ll just get a black coffee, and a… you guys got blueberry muffins?” Reiner bobbed his head between Levi’s hands to spy the pastries, “Yup, want me to put you down for one?” 

“Yes please,” Reiner nodded and Marco went back to the kitchen to prepare their orders, Levi following him after finishing the cleaning. 

“Did I ever tell you that Bertie and I came here the other day?” Reiner rested his elbows on the table, “I think you might have mentioned your _date_ with him, yes,” A smile extended his mouth, “Just kidding, you didn’t, but Marco told me that he saw you guys.”

“Hehe, of course he did,” Reiner looked down at the table, “you know, Bertie never did tell me what Zeke did to him,” he frowned, Jean’s eyes catching it, “or any of us for that matter,” .

“Hey bud, it’s alright,” Jean laid his hand flat on the table in front of Reiner, “He’ll tell you in time, I’m sure. But right now he probably still needs to recover from whatever it was.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Reiner rubbed his face with his hand, “I just wish I could help him, but sometimes I feel I just make it worse.”

_“Damn I really need that coffee.”_ Reiner thought as pain writhed in the front of his head.

“How so?” Jean took back his hand and crossed his arms, “Last night, I invited him over to just hang out and relax, but he fell asleep,” Reiner paused for a moment, “On you?” Jean finished Reiner’s sentence.

“Yeah, on me. And I think the movie we were watching woke him up. But when he woke up, he got up super fast, and was hyperventilating and shit,” Reiner bit his lip, “He looked like someone had just tried to kill him or something.”

“By Ymir, that sounds awful,” Jean’s eyes widened and he leaned back in his seat, “I don’t think it was just the movie though Jean, he looked so out of it, like he wasn’t even there.”

“Then he just kept saying how he needed to go, and how he should have just went home first,” Reiner covered his mouth with a hand, “It scared the fuck out of me.”

“Damn bud, we’ll get it all sorted out eventually, don’t worry,” Jean peered around the corner to ogle at Marco as the kitchen door opened, “Here you go guys,” He placed the mugs and muffin down, “Let the counter know if you need anything else~” Marco stated as he walked back to the kitchen.

Jean’s mug was topped with whipped cream, and red syrup was shaped in a heart over it, “Is that why you want Marco to make your drinks?” Reiner glanced over his coffee as he sipped it.

“It’s cute, isn’t it? He’s such a cutie,” Jean’s warm smile disappeared behind the whipped cream as he downed a large mouthful, “It’s just hot cocoa, but he puts a little heart on top for me.”

“But anyway,” Jean set down his drink, “I genuinely think that you should just let it play out, let _him_ come to you and just offer your support.”

“Thank you Jean, a lot,” Reiner reached out his knuckle, and Jean returned the gesture, “No problem man, I always got you.”

After talking over his problems, Reiner had brought up a stupid joke, and he and Jean laughed for the rest of their break before returning to the lamppost decorations. They focused on the work, barely speaking any more of their personal lives. When the shift ended, Reiner trudged through the cascading snow back to his car, the sky dimming as he walked. 

  
  


Bertholdt looked through the glass of the door next to his mail box, the sky growing continuously dark. He shuddered, the darkness reminding him of the night before. As he opened the box with a key, a pink envelope fell out. ‘Bertholdt’ was written in lavish cursive, adorned with heart stickers and rainbows. 

_“Who the hell?”_ Bertholdt opened the letter on his way back to his apartment, finding inside an even pinker letter with a long note and some pictures. Just as he closed the door behind him, he read the note. 

_Dear Bertholdt,_

_Thank you so much for being such great a coworker! I love seeing you at work, and it fills me with much joy to say Happy Solstice! I desperately await our next escapade at the bar, without me becoming too intoxicated this time. Your presence is always sorely missed, and Armin and I always save you a seat just in case. I threw in some holiday pictures Ymir and I took as well!_

_What’s up Mr. Cool Guy? How did your date with that guy you were with go? Anyway, Happy Solstice and thanks for treating Historia well._

_Love,_

_Historia and Ymir_

Bertholdt’s eyes locked on Ymir’s portion. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to focus on Historia’s note rather than Zeke. 

_“He’s not here, he’s not here, he’s not here…”_

He removed the pictures from the envelope, placing them on his coffee table as he walked into the living room. Historia and Ymir were wearing matching red sweaters and posing in different positions around their couch, “Oh by the Founder, Historia,” Bertholdt said aloud as he laughed at a picture of the two girls mid fall off of their couch.

Bertholdt dialed her number while looking at the photos.

“Hey Bertholdt! What’s up?” Historia cheeped through the phone.

“Nothin’ much, I just got your letter that you sent me,” Bertholdt laughed again, “These pictures are hilarious, and that note was so sweet.”

“Awh, of course Bertholdt! I convinced Ymir to write some stuff as well, she’s not as dry as she seems,” her voice was soft like fresh snow. 

“Again, thank you haha,” Bertholdt organized the photos with one hand, “say, are you guys doing anything on the thirtieth?”

“Hm, not that I can remember,” Historia paused and there was the sound of rustling papers, “It looks like both Ymir and I are free, what’s goin’ on?” 

“Well, it’s my birthday, and I was wonderi-”

“OF COURSE WE’LL COME! Won’t we Ymir?” Historia yelled slightly, “Yes, we will,” Ymir’s voice reflected the dichotomy between the two. 

“Perfect, I’ll text you all the details, catch you at work Historia.”

“Bye!” Bertholdt hung up the phone and smiled, falling back into his couch. His mind finally at ease once more, slowly recovering from being reminded of the horrors he experienced from Zeke.

Sighing, Bertholdt looked through his contacts at Reiner’s name and told his phone, “I just hope he knows it’s not his fault.”


	17. Solstice Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >:3c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhhhhhh hi :) i'm totally not dead again whaaa sorry yall i had crazy bad writers block but i eventually got what i wanted from this chapter, and i really like it so i hope you guys do too :) i have surprise planned next chapter, that yall might like >3> NOW GO GRAB SOME WATER YOU THIRSTY HOES

The smell of sugar cookies floated aimlessly through the air into the noses of two lovestruck boys. Icing and flour were strewn across the kitchen counters, left messy until after the cookies were finished. Marco leaned into Jean’s arms along with a blanket covering them both. They were watching Ghibli films and relaxing in each other’s warmth. Then the oven beeped, interrupting the stillness. 

“I’ll go get them baby, stay here,” Marco stated while he leaned up and stretched, “Alright cutie.”

The floor creaked slightly as he walked, his weight disturbing the wood. As he opened the oven, a wave of heat encased his face, and he struggled through it while removing the tray of cookies with an oven mitt. Marco closed the oven and turned it off, startled when he was hugged from behind.

“Mm, they almost smell as good as you,” Jean whispered in Marco’s ear as he embraced him from the back, “Ugh you’re ridiculous, you know that?” Marco raised an eyebrow at him and placed his lips on Jean’s cheek. 

Giggling excitedly, Jean ripped a piping bag from the counter filled with red icing, “Okay let’s decorate these bad boys!”

“Babe, you know we can’t yet, we have to let them cool off first,” Marco plucked the bag from his hands and returned it to the counter, “Fineee, let’s go back to watching Arrietty,” Jean grabbed a cookie from the tray anyway, burning his hands. 

\----------------------------------------------

“ … and that’s why I’ll never leave you my love, forever and always I’ll be by your side,” Ymir caressed Historia cheek with her hand gently, as if touching clouds. She stood over Historia, backing her against the wall. 

“Y-Ymir, I-” Ymir cut her off with a kiss that was ablaze in passion. Both closed their eyes while they kissed, ignorant to time. Breaking away Ymir told her, “You’re so amazing, beautiful, kin-”

This time, Historia cut her off with a small peck to the cheek, “I love you too baby, but let’s go paint the snow like you promised we could!” Historia wiggled her way out of Ymir’s trap and ran to her room. The overused art supplies filling her arms clunked together as she returned. Ymir took each piece from her with care, knowing the meaning to her. 

Setting up two easels side by side, the two girls stood in front of the large window, marking up the scene with their eyes. Historia wet her brush, the water dripping as she moved it to the grays and blues. Mastery showed in her hands to depict the winter landscape. 

“Ah, thank you for painting with me Ymir,” Historia breathed out as she flicked the brush, “A-anything for you my love,” Ymir gripped hers, unable to match Historia’s pace. She opted instead for acrylic paints, for how to use watercolor was lost upon her. 

Ymir stared at the canvas with gray paint on her brush, unable to produce an image, “Historia, I don’t know where to start…” she trailed off with a growing expression of embarrassment.

“Here, start by adding blue and gray together,” Historia did so with Ymir’s brush, “until you get a periwinkle like color, and then,” Historia swished the brush on the canvas back and forth, “you do something like that to get the basic colors on there,” she smiled at Ymir, “It doesn’t have to be perfect baby. However you think it should be, that’s how it should be.”

“T-Thank you my love,” small tears developed in Ymir’s eyes, “Thank you so much,” Ymir hugged Historia deeply. The snow eventually stopped, and the two admired their canvases; Ymir much more than Historia. 

\----------------------------------------------

The car rumbled smoothly across the salted roads on the way back from Paradis City. Eren’s eyes were glazed over looking at the passing scenery of whites and browns.

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?” Eren didn’t break his staring contest with the window. 

“Can you quit it already? You were antagonizing me the whole time we were at Dad’s,” Zeke’s voice was bitter, but not rude. 

“Is that seriously why you’ve always had boyfriends, but never brought them home?” Eren turned to his brother now, “Both your mom and our dad have been nothing but accepting, and you still turned out to be an abusive ass!” Eren started shouting.

“Can you just shut up already! I’ve had enough of this shit!” Zeke’s foot pressed harder on the pedal, “If it wasn’t for your stupid fucking outburst, we could be having dinner with them right now!” Zeke relaxed his foot, realizing his action.

“I’d rather call you out in front of them then let you think it’s okay,” Eren tucked his arms together, “Stupid fucking idiot.”

“It wasn’t like that, Bert was just overreacting,” Zeke’s eyes locked on the road, distracting him from the truth, “ZEKE! He was on the floor! Screaming and clutching himself! What the hell did you do to him!” Eren almost blocked Zeke’s view with his wild gestures. 

“NOTHING! Now shut the fuck up! I’m done hearing about this and having to explain myself!” Zeke yelled back in retort. 

“Just drop me off at my place and don’t you dare think you’re ever hearing from me again,” Eren looked back out the window, his teeth consuming the inside of his cheek with rage.

\----------------------------------------------

_ Is this the place?  _

Annie looked down at her phone, confirmed the name and address of the restaurant, then walked inside. Its floors were red carpet, almost felt. The lighting was dim, and yet the scene before her contrasted it more so. Waiters and waitresses went from table to table, attending to the innumerable customers, the wind in their feet as they paced. 

She spotted Armin’s hair in the crowd, and excused herself to the hostess. The walk to the table felt timeless, the walkway becoming longer no matter how far her legs moved her. Dreading the moment when she would arrive, she breathed more deeply, the concern subsiding momentarily.

Sitting down, her stoic expression broke for a moment,

“Hi, Armin,” Nervousness coated her voice, “Hi Annie,” Armin replied excitedly. His face was one of joy, and innocence. Armin’s heart was clear on his sleeve, and Annie had hers embroidered on just for him to see. 

“How was work today?” She attempted small talk, “Oh it was good, nothing major really happened,” Armin waved his hand and smiled. Around them the energy of the restaurant circulated and twisted in every which way, but in the booth, it was stale. 

_ “I should tell him now, it would be better.” _

“I uh,” Annie brought her thumb to her mouth, biting lightly, “What’s wrong Annie?” Armin tilted his head.

“You’re really cool Armin, but I don’t know…” She paused and met eyes with him, “I don’t know if I want to pursue a relationship with you in that way,” Her eyes darted away once more, and her heart resembled a snare drum with its accelerated tempo. 

“Oh um,” Armin’s complexions stretched a bit in surprise, “That’s completely fine, don’t feel pressured into anything you don’t want to do,” Armin reassumed his peaceful disposition.

“Huh? You’re okay… with that?” Annie furrowed her eyebrows, the anxiety mostly gone from her voice. Confusion conquered over her anxiety.

“Yeah of course! Why wouldn’t I be? You’re such a cool person, and I’d be more than happy to still be your friend if you’d like.”

“Oh,” Annie took a deep breath in, “most guys I turn down get really angry, or some dumb shit like that,” She sighed and looked back at Armin, “Thank you for understanding. It was really nice talking with you and stuff, but I think I just confused my platonic and romantic feelings,” Laying her hands on her table, “It’s just been a really long time since someone had approached me and been nice.”

“A-Annie,” Armin stuttered worriedly, “It’s alright, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere,” He extended his hand, “Thank you Armin,” She reached out with her own and shook it, a smile growing on her face. 

\----------------------------------------------

Bertholdt lied in his bed, the expanse of his room outside of his blankets cryptically cold. Under his blankets he found refuge in warmth and security. The moon rose higher in the sky as he scrolled on his phone, the monotony of his day wearing on his mind.

_ “I didn’t even do anything fun today.”  _ He sighed as he laid his phone down next to him, closing his eyes. In the dark, Bertholdt’s breathing became continuously deeper, his heart rate slowing. Until a buzzing of his phone awoke him. 

_ “hey bertie” _

It was Reiner. 

_ “Hey, what’s up?” _

Bertholdt brought his legs closer to his body.

_ “are u doin ok since the other day? u just kinda left and i was worried about u” _

He held his breath, biting his lip. 

_ “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, I was just scared because of the movie.” _

He hoped it would be sufficient enough an explanation.

_ “are u sure? if it’s something else you can tell me” _

His body was overwhelmed with the cold and rising anxiety. 

_ “Can I call you?” _

_ “of course” _

Bertholdt’s finger stopped before tapping the button, drawing a deep breath, and exhaling. He then pressed it.

“H-hi Reiner,” Bertholdt’s voice relayed his worry. 

“Hey Bertie, how was your day?” Reiner’s words were poised and articulated, careful even.

“It was good, I just stayed in and binged a show,” Bertholdt looked through his window to the glimmering stars, “Other than that, nothin’. How ‘bout you?”

“Actually same here,” Reiner laughed, wanting to make Bertholdt do the same, “But like I texted you, are you doing alright?” His voice calmed.

“I, um,” Bertholdt stuttered, “I don’t really want to share anything, right now,” Bertholdt focused on a particular star in the sky, “Just some bad memories came up that night, I’m sorry again.”

“Bertie! Please don’t be sorry,” Reiner pleaded fervently, “I want you to be safe and comfortable, no matter what.”

“I’m here for you now, always, whenever you need,” Reiner’s words calmed him.

“T-Thank you Reiner,” Bertholdt’s eyes pondered of crying, “I don’t know how to thank you for dealing with me.”

“I’m never  _ dealing  _ with you Bertie, if I wanna be with you I have to cherish every part of you,” He paused for a moment, “even the parts you don’t wanna see.”

“Dummy,” Bertholdt tears flowed freely, his voice unaffected, “you’re such a stupid, dummy.”

“If being a dummy means I can be in your life, then I’ll gladly be one,” Reiner joked, “but seriously Bertie, I’ll always be here for you, I wanna be better for you.”

“Well,” Bertholdt wiped his tears, “thank you again then,” Bertholdt yawned, audible through the phone.

“Are you gettin’ tired?” Reiner questioned, “I can let you go for now, if you want.”

“As long as you promise to text me when you wake up, so we can keep chatting, then sure,” Bertholdt’s mouth wrinkled into a smile. 

“Alright, good night then, Bertie~” Reiner deepened his tone to flirt.

“Goodnight, dummy~” and Bertholdt returned the sentiment in full. 


	18. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bertie's party :D

The scenes outside rushed by as Reiner’s foot pressed harder on the pedal. The sun had just fallen below the trees, and the sky was darkening. The cake in his passenger seat laid unperturbed by the speed, as Reiner held his phone between his ear and shoulder.

“Where are you?” Annie griped.

“The cake took longer than I thought, I’m sorry,” Reiner sounded agitated, “I’m coming now, I’ll be there soon.” 

“Well hurry faster ‘cause everyone is already here,” She sighed.

“I  _ am _ , I’ll see you in a bit,” Reiner tapped the end call button, and dropped his phone into a cupholder. 

_ “I really hope Bertie isn’t mad at me.” _

_ “We finally started making some progress too…”  _

_ “We’ve even been calling like every day since the solstice,”  _ He smiled slightly,

_ “And his sleepy voice is so cute.” _

Reiner’s car skid slightly in the dirty slush as he turned abruptly into the parking lot. He looked at the cake to which no damage was visible, just some icing smeared on the inside of the container. Pulling into a parking spot with a bump on the curb, he grabbed the cake from its seat. He held it snugly in his arm as he walked quickly around his car, and up the walkway to the entrance. A small pile of snow cushioned his feet, just as the ice underneath faked being sturdy. 

Reiner lost his balance in his right foot and fell forward onto his face. A dull pain and the scent of blood reverberated through his skull as the cold forced him to lift himself up. 

“Fuck,” He coughed out while he stood to look at his hands. They were slightly scratched, but no blood. He wiped the top of his lip to feel liquid. He gazed on the crimson color his fingers were, and eyes widened. He sniffed and wiped his lip again to get rid of any extraneous blood. 

_ “Fuck, the cake,”  _ Reiner’s eyes scanned the ground and found the cake, and unlike Reiner, survived its fall completely intact. Being more careful the rest of the way, he entered the building and jogged to Annie’s apartment. He knocked hard twice.

The sounds of loud chatter and bickering were heard as Annie opened the door, “You’re late.” 

“Yeah, I know, now let me in,” She stepped aside and asked, “What the hell happened to your face?” She closed the door and followed him to the living room, “Doesn’t matter.”

“So Bertholdt, what are you gonna wish for?” Historia nudged him with her elbow, “Hehe, I don’t really know yet,” Bertholdt whispered.

“Ah, c'mon man! You gotta have something!” Jean yelled across the room with Marco in his arms, “He’s kinda right for once Bertholdt,” Marco said sheepishly. 

“If he doesn’t wanna wish for something, I think that’s fine too,” Ymir tried to help him, but Armin chimed in, “But now would be the best time to! I mean it’s your  _ birthday _ .” Eren was there as well, being mostly quiet and throwing curious glances towards Armin.

Reiner whispered to Annie, “Why’s Eren here?” 

She responded just as quietly, “Apparently he had a falling through with Zeke, so he asked Jean if he could crash it his place for a while so Zeke wouldn’t bother him,” The chatter was increasing in volume, “So when Jean came for Bertie’s birthday, Bertie said Eren could come if he wanted.”

“Ohhh,” Reiner nodded his head. 

_ “I love all of you guys, but I really wish it was a bit more quiet…”  _ Bertholdt bit his lip and rubbed his hands together in his lap. Annie looked at Bertholdt, and she closed her eyes and sighed. 

“Cake’s here guys!” Annie spoke above them, grabbing the cake from Reiner’s hands and delivering it to a large table adjacent to the ring of furniture where everyone was seated. A small, unanimous cheer came from all of them, Jean and Historia being louder than the rest. They then slowly shifted from the furniture to the table. 

Bertholdt saw Reiner and walked over to him, “H-Hey.”

“Hey there,” Reiner smiled at him.

Bertholdt squinted slightly and gestured with his hand to Reiner’s lip, “Reiner… what happened?” Reiner coughed slightly, “Nothing really, just slipped on the way in,” The rest of the invitees were talking away at the table. 

“We need to get you cleaned up,” Bertholdt took him to the kitchen, no one seeking their presence. Warm water ran over a paper towel in Bertholdt’s hand as he squeezed it, ridding the excess. 

“Come here,” Bertholdt almost ordered as Reiner approached, “Did you fall on your face? It looks like you had a bloody nose,” He dabbed and wiped at Reiner’s upper lip, “ … and is that a scratch on your chin?” He tossed the soiled piece of paper towel in the trash and wet another. 

He brushed Reiner’s chin lightly, eliciting a flinch from him, “S-Sorry, I just need a few more seconds,” Bertholdt finished cleaning Reiner’s face and gazed back upon him. 

“Thanks… Bertie,” Reiner’s eyes looked to the side in thought, “Of course, I couldn’t have you at my birthday with a bloody face of all things,” He giggled to himself. 

“Y-Yeah, I guess not,” Reiner returned his gaze to Bertholdt, a warmth gathering in his face.

“C’mon, let’s head back so we can have some cake,” Bertholdt motioned with his hand to the living room, and Reiner followed. 

The room fell gradually more silent in the course of a few seconds as the two returned. The cake was now alight with candles, the overhead lights turned off. The group was seated all around the table, an open space for Bertholdt in front of the cake. 

Bertholdt took his place and Reiner stood beside him, looking down fondly. 

Bertholdt inhaled greatly, and just as he was about to exhale, Historia yelled, “Wait! We haven’t sung yet!” Everyone looked at her confusedly.

“Oh c’mon guys! We’re not too old!” She put her hand on Ymir’s shoulder as she stood, “Happy birthday to you~” She began serenading. Ymir joined in with her more quietly. Slowly, Marco, then Jean and the rest began singing to Bertholdt. His blush was indiscernible against the warm-colored light of the candles. However, once the singing ended, everyone peered at Bertholdt expectedly. 

He readied his breathe once more, focusing his mind on it. Closing his eyes, he thought of a wish. Bertholdt blew out the candles in one breath, there only being a few. 

Beginning with Reiner behind him, everyone clapped for Bertholdt for a few seconds before Marco reilluminated the lights. Bertholdt’s blush persisted on his face, with his hand rubbing his neck. With the lights on, conversations restarted, and Annie took to dividing the cake for all the guests. 

Bertholdt rose to stand next to Reiner as Reiner asked him, “So, what did you wish for?”

Bertholdt rolled his eyes, “You know I can’t tell anyone, or else it won’t come true,” He smiled contently. 

“Mhm mhm,” Reiner hummed, “You can’t even tell your oldest best friend?”

“Mm, still a no,” Bertholdt looked at him, his smile unwavering. 

Reiner sighed, “I  _ guess _ you’re right.”

Annie prepared a plate of cake for Bertholdt and handed it to him, “Here you go, birthday boy,” Annie smiled as Bertholdt received it. Quickly, Annie prepared more plates and handed them off to each partygoer. With Jean leading the way, most everyone shifted back to the couches and chairs set up for them. 

“You know, I never got to apologize for being so late,” Reiner held his plate and fork with tension in his grip. 

“Oh it wasn’t a problem at all,” Bertholdt laughed, “It was probably good for me. I got to talk with everyone a little more,” He eyed the cake in his own hands, admiring the spiral of vanilla and chocolate.

“I’m also just glad you’re here at all, I’ve missed this,” Bertholdt looked around the room at the myriad of smiling faces, then back at Reiner. He took a bite of his cake and his face lit up.

After haphazardly chewing and swallowing the bite, he spoke in surprise, “Marble cake… with buttercream frosting? Reiner I haven’t had this since I was little!”

“Yeah, I uh, still remembered. I mean I went to like every one of your parties when we were kids,” Reiner laughed quietly and took a bite of his own, being filled memories. 

“Hey lovebirds, wanna head over to where everyone else is already?” Annie asked with her own piece.

“Y-Yeah, of course,” Bertholdt stuttered while Reiner took the lead to the couch. There was just enough space for the three to fit side by side on one cushion. 

“ … snowboarding? No way! Sledding is way more fun!” Historia yelled in the direction of Jean and Marco, “While sledding  _ is _ fun, snowboarding is way cooler,” Jean held up a finger in rebuttal. 

“Okay? When’s the last time you snowboarded Jean?” Ymir stuffed half a piece of cake in her mouth, “W-Well, I hardly think that’s releva-”

“He’s actually  _ never _ snowboarded,” Reiner interjected, “Not all the years I’ve known him anyway.”

“Shut up dumbass! You don’t know shit!” Jean yelled back as most everyone laughed.

Armin and Eren were talking away from everyone else, now seated next to each other.

“Yeah, and I uh, really liked biology and stuff, so I studied anatomy and bio in college and became a nurse,” Armin smiled down at his cake, looking up to Eren doing the same.

“That’s really cool,” Eren whispered, a small blush dusting his cheeks, “I just uh, well my dad… he um, he’s a doctor too. But I’m not smart like that,” He giggled slightly, “So I just work with Reiner and stuff on construction.”

“That’s really cool too…” Armin trailed off while the surrounding conversation became too loud to hear their conversation. 

As Annie joined in on the group’s conversation, she took up more space on the cushion they shared, pushing Reiner and Bertholdt closer together. Their knees now fully in contact, Bertholdt’s heart increased in pace. 

_ “Am I really nervous about this?” _

_ “... Is this about Zeke?”  _ Bertholdt looked up and around at everyone’s smiles and laughter once again, then back at his knee. 

_ “I’m… I’m okay. Zeke is not here. And I’m with my friends.”  _ He let out a large sigh and relaxed, his heart slowing simultaneously. 

Reiner heard and turned his head, “Hey, are you doing alright?” He barely whispered it. 

“Yeah… yeah I’m good,” He breathed deeply again and smiled, “I’m doing good now.”

Reiner popped the last piece of cake in his mouth, chewing it quickly, and placing his plate on the coffee table in front of them. He then scooched even closer to Bertholdt, now being shoulder to shoulder. 

Reiner hesitated for a moment, but then asked, “Hey um, do you think I could… put my arm around your shoulder?” He looked expectantly.

Bertholdt also hesitated and pondered, finally nodding.

“Are you sure?” Reiner restated, and Bertholdt still gave another a nod.

Reiner gently wrapped his arm around Bertholdt, embracing him in his warmth. 

Here with his friends and his prospective lover, Bertholdt looked down at his the last bite of cake. He started crying wonderful, hot tears. Because he no longer had to mask it with a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thank you so much for waiting such a ridiculously long time for this. I hope you know this story meant a lot to me, and I hope it means a lot to you guys as well. This is unfortunately, where I am going to be ending it. But not to fret! I have many more ideas in store heheh I'm even contemplating writing a possible sequel? But be weary that I probably won't... it's just a possibility. I love you guys so much for sticking with this story and being such amazing readers, you guys kept me going for a while. 
> 
> I love you guys more than you could ever know, and know that I'm going to keep writing more stories hehehe


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